How Remedial Driving School Cured My Adrenaline Addiction!


How Remedial Driving School Cured My Adrenaline Addiction!


Me Flying Through Red Lights – No Time To Stop – Gotta Go!!!

Last month, I got a notice in the mail saying I had to go to remedial driving school.  I called the number on the letter and said they must be mistaking me for someone else.  

“You’ve had 3 infractions in the past 5 years,”  they said.

“No I haven’t,”  I replied.

They refreshed my memory. Here’s what I slowly remembered:

I was always running, running, running, so much that sometimes when there was a yellow light, I would just keep going and be under it as it was turning red. . I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway.   Who could stop safely at that speed anyway, I rationalized?

One time I was on a phone call, holding my protein shake and waving my other hand since I was telling a story, and all of a sudden I was being pulled over by a cop.

“What’s going on?” I asked, confused.

“You are a mess,” he said.  He explained that it’s illegal to hold your phone while driving and gave me a ticket.   “I could put you in jail for not having your insurance card with you, too, but I won’t.”

“Thank you,”  I said.  I got back as he drove away, and finished my story, now adding my ticket to for more drama.

Another time I was driving through a 20 mile an hour speed limit, but I got pulled over for speeding because I was doing 40. 

Oh, okay.  I had forgotten about these things.  They were so “little” in my mind.

The third and most recent was a month or so before the letter.  I was at a red light, stopped, and putting in my Weight Watchers points for the breakfast I just ate.  All of a sudden, I was being waved over to the side of the road.

“What?! I wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I was stopped at a light.  You know, I was multitasking.”

They gave me a ticket anyway.  

I tried to talk my way out of the remedial driving school but I couldn’t.  I had to go to a driving class for a day. 

I found out that if I got another ticket within five years, I would lose my license for 30 days. And if I got a second one, I would lose my license for 60 days. This was not good.

The instructor said, “In order to stay out of trouble and avoid getting more tickets, drive the speed limit.”

“Wait, seriously?  Do people really do that?  My father used to say, ‘The speed limit is for idiots. No one goes the speed limit.’” I literally thought no one did that,”  I said, shocked.

The woman just laughed.  I was serious.  I couldn’t believe it.

Here’s another thing:  I was once told I was addicted to adrenaline. I’m always doing too much and trying to do multiple things at the same time. 

I didn’t even have time to stop for red lights. Well now, because of the threat of losing my license if I get one more ticket, I have to rethink my life.

And slow down.  And breathe. 

This is what I’ve learned:  There’s something called the vagus nerve. When you breathe, it apparently calms you down, and stops your racing heart.

I have learned to breathe, slow down, only do one thing at a time, and relax.  It’s a much more enjoyable life. 

I’ve realized that before I was kind of in a fight for my survival.   Well, my survival is not actually at stake, it just felt like it was.

I don’t have to be in a rush all the time. I can take my time, look around, smell the roses and get the same amount done without that panic and without that craziness. Because when I’m not present, I’m not doing a very good job anyway.  And I can’t afford to lose my license. 

So that’s my story about how going to remedial driving school taught me to take a breath, let the adrenaline go, and not be in fight or flight. 

Where in your life do you feel craziness? 

Like something bad’s going to happen if you don’t get something done. And you’re driven by something and you’re not really present. 

Are there any places like that for you? Take a look and let me know in the comments below.

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“You Don’t Like Me”

Last Sunday I was on a zoom call sharing my little heart out.

One of the women on the call, Sue, made a weird face.

“Kim, do you want to share?” she asked another woman on our call.

“Sure, thanks,” Kim said and proceeded to launch into an animated conversation.

My good mood turned bad.

“Sue thinks I was talking too much,” I decided. “That’s why she interrupted me. And, she doesn’t like me. I KNEW she didn’t like me. Last time we talked she spoke to me in THAT TONE. Well, I don’t like her anyway.”

For the next few days, my mind kept reminding me how much Sue doesn’t like me. I was getting really annoyed.

Wednesday night I happened to have a scheduled call with Sue. I debated whether to say something, but knew, for my peace of mind, that I needed to check this out.

“Hey Sue, can I ask you a question before we start the call?”

“Sure, but this will now be your second question,” she answered.

I ignored the snark. Maybe that’s just how she is……

“The other night I decided that you thought I was talking too much and that you don’t like me. I’m not sure if I am paranoid or have a great sense of people. What would you say?”

“You totally made that up,” she said. “That is not true. I’d say paranoid.”

“Wow,” I said. “For me what my brain was saying was the truth. I’m so glad I asked.”

The conversation went WAY better than it would have if I hadn’t spoken up.

Later I checked my texts.

“Thank you,” Sue texted. “And I think you’re great.”

I smiled. Amazing.

Where do you think you KNOW what someone else is thinking or how they think of you?

You might be shocked if you just CHECK IT OUT!!

Thanks for listening.

You’re Addicted To Drama!

“You’re addicted to drama,” one of my teachers said yesterday.

“Me?” I asked, batting my eyelashes. “Moi? No, you must be mistaken!!” I wanted to say.

“The reason why I know that is because I was addicted to drama, too, in my past,” she said before I could react.

“Oh…….you were?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. And she proceeded to tell me about her life. Not only was she a drama queen, but threw tantrums when she was bored and created mayhem just for the fun of it. I felt a little better after hearing that. “And I’m not anymore. I don’t tolerate it in me or my friends. It’s not necessary,” she added.

Hmmmmm. I remembered an episode from 5 years before. I was on the stage in front of 500 people, sharing during a course.

“You love drama,” the course leader said.

I immediately crossed my eyes and glared at her, silently wishing her evil.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I don’t like being called that,” I said. “To me, drama is not a good thing.”

“It’s not bad,” she said. “It just means you talk more elevated and expressive about what’s going on than most.”

Well, I still didn’t like it. When people say “no drama,” I want to punch them.

“I’M NOT DRAMA,” I want to YELL. “I’M NOT DRAMA!!”

HMMMMM………Looking back, now that I am clear that it’s not bad or a life sentence, I can see a little clearer about the whole thing. It’s just the way I ended up being. Maybe I CAN admit I’ve been a little dramatic, BUT,….since I can tell you why, I’m using it as an excuse for being that way UP UNTIL NOW. (It just helps me be responsible so go with me here, ok?)

Here’s my explanation. It’s a silly little story, but one that has shaped my entire life.

  • When I was 2, I was upset. My mother told me not to be upset
  • No big deal, right? All mothers say that.
  • Except, for me, for the past 60 years, I have been reacting to that one little comment
  • “Don’t tell me not to be upset. It’s my God given right to be upset. I’ll SHOW YOU WHO CAN BE UPSET. WATCH ME!”
  • And many many things got me upset. The world was a place where I couldn’t be myself, couldn’t have what I wanted, and that’s just the way it was.
  • I was frustrated, annoyed, and victimized a lot of the time
  • Many things that happened were a subconscious reminder of that event

Wow. What a way to live!! Who would do that, right? It seems silly, but like I said, it’s just the way it was. I was blind to my “automatic way of being.”

“What do I do now?” I asked my teacher the other day.

“Just practice being aware. When you see yourself doing your “upset drama thing,” just notice it and stop. You don’t have to do it anymore. It will take some time to be aware and to catch it sooner and sooner until pretty soon you will catch it before it happens.”

“Really? That’s it? And I have a different life?”

“Yes,” she said.

Hmmm. I keep almost going down the trap of thinking the way I’ve been being is wrong, bad, embarrassing, etc, but that’s just more drama.

And, even with my drama, I have a great life. AND, being upset all the time takes a lot of energy. If I don’t do that thing, I can focus my energy on something more productive.

Already I am booked on a podcast for next week and I have reached out to other podcasts to be a guest. I’m excited and, for the first time in a while, feel excited about my future.

Before I had snippets of excitement followed by major resignation knowing “I couldn’t have what I wanted, etc.”

Now, I have created that I am a Fun, Bold Stand. That excites me.

Stay tuned for more adventures and thanks for listening.

More Than A Woman – Coach Anne Wetzel

I went to the University of Pennsylvania in fall, 1977. Having been on my high school tennis team, I tried out for the Penn team when I got there. The coach approached me at the end of the first day.

“Umm, you don’t need to come back tomorrow,” the tennis coach said. “But you could go try out for the squash team. They are looking for people.”

“What’s squash?” I asked.

“Go in that building and ask for the squash courts. They will tell you there.”

I went to the squash courts and met Anne Wetzel. She taught me how to play squash. Anne Wetzel was there every day. I got a private lesson Monday to Friday and by sophomore year was on the varsity squash team at Penn. Senior year I was the number two player and captain.

Being on the squash team was a major part of my college experience. We travelled all over the east coast and Canada playing matches and holiday tournaments.

Coach Wetzel was and still is a character. Having 4 children herself, she mothered us and was hard on us at the same time.

“You are too heavy on your feet,” she told me once. “You have to dance.” She held out her arms and did a waltz around the court, insisting I dance around the court, too.

She drove the van herself when we went travelling. We called her Mario Andretti. She had her own style of driving and we thanked God every time we arrived to a match alive.

Last night I attended a zoom 90th birthday party for Coach Wetzel. There were over 60 people there from all over the world that she had mentored, coached, and mothered.

Her accolades are numerous. She was a national squash champion in her day and was instrumental in getting women’s sports off the map. She has so done so much for women and squash and sports that it’s easier to google her than to list it.

I was struck by the impact that Coach Wetzel had on so many young women like myself during our college years. I took her for granted back then and didn’t appreciate her generosity, strength, tenacity, love, talent and stand for each and every one of us. Listening to everyone talk about how she made a difference in their lives was moving. She remembered all of us and was interested in our lives even after all these years.

Thank you, Coach for the difference you made for all of us. I love you and Happy Birthday!!!

“I Won’t Kill You”

I had a miracle today. It’s not one I ever expected to happen. And it involved life and death. Not to freak you out. It ended well.

Here’s my story:

I hate bugs. Can’t stand the sight of them. I love summer, but know that with summer comes the bugs and I dread seeing the first little crawly or flying creature. My skin gets itchy and I’m automatically in a bad mood.

My only hope is to keep the screen doors closed. It’s very important to me. What I don’t understand is why the rest of the world doesn’t get it.

“Shut the scream door,” I say every time someone leaves it open. “Please, shut it.”

And my family (ex-husband, son and daughter) would mostly ignore me. If I questioned them, they always had a good reason:

  • My hands are full
  • I’ll be right back
  • What’s the big deal,
  • or the worst thing, they would just look at me like I was crazy

Not a problem. I would just get up myself and slam it closed, just to prove something. I don’t even know what I was trying to prove, but it was something like:

  • no one listens to me
  • I can’t have what I want
  • don’t they realize this is war
  • people are ass holes
  • I’m the victim here

I’m not proud of being that way, but I can see that that’s what I was doing in retrospect. Just saying……..I’m sure you’ve never wanted to be right about something that if you really look at it, makes no sense. But that’s what I was doing.

But anyway. I hated bugs and if I saw one, I would make a big deal about it and my day was ruined by a feeling of disgust. I felt like they were crawling on me, and there was no place to escape from this horrible dilemma.

Now don’t calling me a drama queen because I don’t like that name. It’s just the way it was for me, ok? For most of my life.

Well……….my daughter came back from living in Costa Rica in May. Apparently there are bugs everywhere there and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not a big deal and it’s not a problem for her. You just include them in your life.

So screen doors are irrelevant to her. And what was worse, at my beach cottage rental, the screen doors were difficult to close. She would just spend the time with the doors open when I wasn’t there. So what if a bug comes in?

I tried to be chill about it and give up the “shut the screen door” shtick and relax. I was a little better. When I saw bugs, I tried not to curse and just deal with it. I was better about it. Still slammed the screen door a few times, but I was better. And, I still asked her to shut the door since it is MY HOUSE.

What’s the big deal about bugs? You ask. They are creatures too.

Well today I had a miracle. I am staying at my mother’s house and was using her powder room (to put it delicately). A huge moth flew out of the cabinet when I opened it to change the toilet paper. It was really big. I let it fly around. I didn’t scream. I just looked at it.

“OK,” I said out loud. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you. Just don’t come near me and I will let you live.”

It didn’t answer me (LOL) just flapped it’s wings.

I looked at it. It was brown with beautiful spots. I had never noticed bugs before. They can be pretty.

Now I remember. When you stop making something wrong, you can see what’s good about them. I wasn’t making the moth wrong so I could see something new.

I have to tell you. It’s exhausting to be stressed about so many things. Especially bugs.

And now this little moth gets to enjoy his life.

Thanks for listening and have a great day.

Happy Birthday, Dad!! I Miss You!

Today is July 5th. Day after Independence Day. Tomorrow is my Father’s birthday. He passed away 4 years ago. He loved having a big July 4th birthday party. The family came together with friends and hung out on the lower driveway drinking beer, eating delicious food, walking to the pond and playing tennis on my parent’s court.

As time goes by, my sadness is still there but seems to mostly be replaced with love and gratitude for who my father was. I can forgive the comments, impatience, and insults that I allowed myself to be victimized by for most of life. I can let them go and honor him for his humanity, goodness and inspiration.

He was the one I could count on. He was the one who provided for my mother and all of us 5 kids financially. He was the one that took us on family trips and encouraged us to be the best.

“Be Terrific” he would say when he dropped me off at school.

“Average is best of the worst or worst of the best. Which do you want to be?” He would ask.

NEITHER was our answer.

My dad left a legacy of us 5 kids and many grandchildren. He worked hard to put himself through college on the GI Bill, and worked summers in the Catskills. He went to dental school, bought a local practice, and always looked for ways to improve his dentistry and his office.

He got a master’s in nutrition in the 70’s before it was cool. He was involved in study groups, investing groups, local politics, and participated in the Lions Club and Indian Guides.

He never quit and was always striving to be better.

Thank you, Dad, for being a great example for the Arnow bunch.

I miss you and love you.

Happy Birthday!!!

How to Get From Struggle to Ease

Back in January, I was struggling. I had hired a marketing company to help me develop a strategic plan for my social media ventures. I had paid for it by “charging it” on my credit card, and was disturbed by how hard it was to pay off the balance. I was stressed out, feeling resigned, and feeling like it was never going to get easier.

“Oh, shit,” I thought one day. “What happened to my abundance mentality? I’ve forgotten all about it.” I had participated in Deepak Choprah’s 21 day abundance meditation a year before. Things had definitely seemed easier then. Why not revisit the concept?

I googled abundance meditations and stumbled on one about Lakshmi, the goddess of abundance. I listened to it that night in bed. I was soothed to sleep, images of Lakshmi, golden light, abundance, and tranquil bodies of water dancing in my mind.

The next morning I woke up as usual. When I checked my email, my mouth dropped open. I had won $4333.33 in one contest, and another few hundred dollars from another one. Enough to pay off my credit card balance and have money to spare.

“Thank you, Lakshmi,” I said out loud. “I think you just changed my life.”

Since that time, I have lived in abundance. For the first time I have extra money in my bank accounts after paying my bills. I have bought clothes and paid for courses and trips and still have money left. This has never happened to me before. And six months later it continues.

I still have brief moments when I panic. “I don’t have enough,” screams inside my head. But then I remember “abundance.” I can breathe again and my heart slows down.

Deepak Chopra talks about abundance and how it is our birthright. Another mentor of mine says that abundance is all around us, we just have to choose to participate in it.

Another author puts it another way. The “earth” is abundant. There are unlimited riches, resources, and love that abound. Where the limitation comes in is when we think of the “world.” The world is man-made with it’s self-imposed constructs, thinking and behaviors of scarcity.

This has helped me. I return to the “earth” and it’s abundance. Today I took a drive to the beach, even though the weather was not very nice. I looked out at the Long Island Sound, breathed in the sea air, and felt my body relax. The cloudy sky stretched as far as I could see. The birds were chirping and the green sea grass was a beautiful contrast to the beige sand and expanse of dark grey water.

Remembering that we are of the earth is freeing to me. It helps me return to relaxation and creation instead of scarcity, stress and worry.

I hope you will join me in exploring and creating an abundance mentality.

Thanks for listening and have a great week.

Are You Embarrassed To Admit You Are Stuck?

I’ve been using myself, as always, as a human guinea pig for how to get unstuck.  Lately I’ve been stuck in two main areas:  dating and work.  

In dating I get stuck when people don’t respond to my texts.  I automatically think I did something wrong.  I don’t even know these people, but it bothers me.   

It makes me not want to contact anyone.  The truth is, I’m afraid that if I say the wrong thing, they will “leave.”  

Here’s an example:  There was one guy who I met for lunch. We went to the same school so we had a certain bond and familiarity. 

“My wife wasn’t very nice to me,”  he said.  “Everything I did was wrong.  She would insult me.  She actually asked me why I didn’t have a plane?  Can you believe that?  Where is your plane? she would ask me.   That’s why I wanted a divorce.  I told her if I was so bad, she should leave.  And she did.”

“She asked you why you didn’t have a plane?”  I asked, mouth open.  “Of all things.”

In my marriage, I asked how we were going to make our car payments so they didn’t get repossessed.   I couldn’t get the plane comment out of my brain. 

He wanted encouragement from me so I texted him how much I enjoyed our lunch.  He responded and then I texted a picture of a little plane, thinking I was VERY FUNNY.  

I didn’t hear anything back.  

“Oops,”  I thought.  “I blew it again.  

I wondered if I said the wrong thing and insulted him.  After a day or two I decided to “check it out” rather than continue to berate myself.  

I texted him and I said, “Look, I apologize. It’s just so far out of my life that I thought it was funny. If I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry.” 

“I’m not offended and it doesn’t change how I feel about you,”  he answered immediately.

I don’t  know what that meant, but I didn’t hear from him again.

And that’s fine.  I wasn’t really attracted to him anyway so it made it easier.  The great thing is I could stop thinking I did something wrong and blame myself for it not working out.  


At work I was stuck in the area of learning.  Every week there are new tools, techniques, scripts, models and products to learn.  I couldn’t keep track of all of them.  I was embarrassed that I couldn’t remember everything.  I wasn’t learning ANY of them and didn’t even know who to ask for help. I felt like a poor, pathetic victim and felt very disempowered about work in general.

One day we were on a ZOOM call with our market office.  Grace, our market resource, asked if anyone had any questions or suggestions.

I decided to be brave.  Why not admit that I was having trouble?  Maybe other people were too?    

“Look, we’re learning all these things.  They are coming at us fast and furiously.   I don’t know where to start or who to ask for help. I’m not learning any of them.  It feels overwhelming.”

I was relieved to see my peers all nodding that they felt this way too.  I took a deep breath realizing I wasn’t the only one overwhelmed.  

Grace thought for a few moments.  “Why don’t you just take one thing and get good at that?”  she suggested.

I said, “All right, I could do that.” It sure beats sitting here, blaming myself and feeling paralyzed.

Speaking up helped me make progress and get unstuck.  And stop blaming myself, being embarrassed and thinking I was the only one who felt this way.   

If you have an area where you’re stuck, please go to, and check out my other tools and techniques. 

The first step is awareness. You put your intention on it and you get aware and then you can take different actions.  And by getting into dialogue about it, you can get untangled and create freedom to move forward. 

If you know someone who might benefit from this, please share it. We’re trying to get the word out. And of course… If you want more educational and fun content…

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One Little Email Got A Book Published

One of my clients really wanted to write a book about grieving. She had a bunch of people who had agreed to write chapters for her.  It seemed like a done deal. 

“How’s your book coming?” I asked her one day.

“I’m totally stopped.  I’ve been stopped for a year,”  she told me.  “All I need to do is send out an email with instructions to the people who are writing chapters.  I don’t know why I’m not doing it.”  

“What’s going on?”  I asked.

“I received an email from someone who told me how to send out the email.  It had detailed instructions on it that I want to follow.”

“OK, so what’s the problem?”  I asked.

“I can’t find the email.  I’ve looked and looked and can’t find it.”

We talked.  In the conversation it became clear that she thought she needed to read the email before she could send out the instructions.  The problem was that she didn’t know where the email was.

 “Okay,”  I said.   “Do you want to get this book written?”

“Yes,”  she said.

“Then we are going to send out the email right now.  Do you know what you want it to say?”

“Yes,”  she said.

“Then let’s do this thing.  Tell me what you want to type.”

I typed while she dictated.  We finished the email and she sent it out.  It took about 20 minutes. It was really simple.

Sometimes we complicate things, but we can’t see it ourselves.  We don’t know why we are stuck, we just are.  

Where’s some place where you’re stuck? You were cruising along, in action, and all of a sudden you come to a halt, and may not have even realized it.

Here’s a way to get back into action:

Just start talking about it.  In the process of talking about it, you will see what’s in the way and uncover a little reason why you stopped. Then, you can keep talking and figure out some small action to take that will get you in action and moving along again.

One little action and you’ll be flying….. 

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“You Can Do More Pushups” said Jerry Seinfeld

I was listening to a podcast of Jerry Seinfeld on Tim Ferris.  … It was a fascinating interview. 

He was talking about how he writes two hours a day to develop his comedy.  He works very hard at it, fine tuning his jokes, testing them out, and working them into his routines.  I never knew how hard comedians work.  I found it very interesting.

Then he started talking about working out.  He works harder and harder every day even though his brain tells him it’s enough. He knows it’s the brain’s job to keep him “small” so he doesn’t listen.  He pushes himself beyond where he wants to stop.  

The brain telling him to stop is an automatic thing.

So when he’s working out and his brain says, “Ah, you don’t have to do any more. That’s enough. You can stop for now,” he doesn’t listen to it.  He continued, “I set goals for myself in terms of reps.  I know I can always beat that number.  My brain is NOT supporting me in this.  I just KNOW that I can beat it.  I can always push farther than I think I can, and this continuously has me get stronger.  I tell my kids that too.  Don’t listen to the limiting thoughts of your brain.  You have to work hard, but you are NOT limited to what you THINK you can do.”  

[I am taking poetic licensing with the quote.  I didn’t take it verbatim from the interview.]

Yesterday I was doing pushups.  My brain said, “you’re tired, that’s enough.”  

I thought about it, but then I remembered Jerry. Instead of stopping, I did one more, and then another, I ended up doing 5 more than I normally think I can do. It was incredible.   

Every time my brain says, “Ah, that’s enough,” just because of what Jerry said, I go further. Every day I am doing more than I normally would. 

If I’m doing squats and I want to stop, my legs hurt, I now know I can go further. 

And I don’t have to listen to that internal voice going, “It’s enough. You’ve done enough today.”

So that’s my story about how Jerry Seinfeld got me to do more pushups. 

Where can you not listen to your brain, which is telling you to stop, but push past your limits and push past what you think you can do? 

Because you will be amazed, and you can do it!

Thanks for listening.

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