You’re Addicted To Drama!

“You’re addicted to drama,” one of my teachers said yesterday.

“Me?” I asked, batting my eyelashes. “Moi? No, you must be mistaken!!” I wanted to say.

“The reason why I know that is because I was addicted to drama, too, in my past,” she said before I could react.

“Oh…….you were?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. And she proceeded to tell me about her life. Not only was she a drama queen, but threw tantrums when she was bored and created mayhem just for the fun of it. I felt a little better after hearing that. “And I’m not anymore. I don’t tolerate it in me or my friends. It’s not necessary,” she added.

Hmmmmm. I remembered an episode from 5 years before. I was on the stage in front of 500 people, sharing during a course.

“You love drama,” the course leader said.

I immediately crossed my eyes and glared at her, silently wishing her evil.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I don’t like being called that,” I said. “To me, drama is not a good thing.”

“It’s not bad,” she said. “It just means you talk more elevated and expressive about what’s going on than most.”

Well, I still didn’t like it. When people say “no drama,” I want to punch them.

“I’M NOT DRAMA,” I want to YELL. “I’M NOT DRAMA!!”

HMMMMM………Looking back, now that I am clear that it’s not bad or a life sentence, I can see a little clearer about the whole thing. It’s just the way I ended up being. Maybe I CAN admit I’ve been a little dramatic, BUT,….since I can tell you why, I’m using it as an excuse for being that way UP UNTIL NOW. (It just helps me be responsible so go with me here, ok?)

Here’s my explanation. It’s a silly little story, but one that has shaped my entire life.

  • When I was 2, I was upset. My mother told me not to be upset
  • No big deal, right? All mothers say that.
  • Except, for me, for the past 60 years, I have been reacting to that one little comment
  • “Don’t tell me not to be upset. It’s my God given right to be upset. I’ll SHOW YOU WHO CAN BE UPSET. WATCH ME!”
  • And many many things got me upset. The world was a place where I couldn’t be myself, couldn’t have what I wanted, and that’s just the way it was.
  • I was frustrated, annoyed, and victimized a lot of the time
  • Many things that happened were a subconscious reminder of that event

Wow. What a way to live!! Who would do that, right? It seems silly, but like I said, it’s just the way it was. I was blind to my “automatic way of being.”

“What do I do now?” I asked my teacher the other day.

“Just practice being aware. When you see yourself doing your “upset drama thing,” just notice it and stop. You don’t have to do it anymore. It will take some time to be aware and to catch it sooner and sooner until pretty soon you will catch it before it happens.”

“Really? That’s it? And I have a different life?”

“Yes,” she said.

Hmmm. I keep almost going down the trap of thinking the way I’ve been being is wrong, bad, embarrassing, etc, but that’s just more drama.

And, even with my drama, I have a great life. AND, being upset all the time takes a lot of energy. If I don’t do that thing, I can focus my energy on something more productive.

Already I am booked on a podcast for next week and I have reached out to other podcasts to be a guest. I’m excited and, for the first time in a while, feel excited about my future.

Before I had snippets of excitement followed by major resignation knowing “I couldn’t have what I wanted, etc.”

Now, I have created that I am a Fun, Bold Stand. That excites me.

Stay tuned for more adventures and thanks for listening.

More Than A Woman – Coach Anne Wetzel

I went to the University of Pennsylvania in fall, 1977. Having been on my high school tennis team, I tried out for the Penn team when I got there. The coach approached me at the end of the first day.

“Umm, you don’t need to come back tomorrow,” the tennis coach said. “But you could go try out for the squash team. They are looking for people.”

“What’s squash?” I asked.

“Go in that building and ask for the squash courts. They will tell you there.”

I went to the squash courts and met Anne Wetzel. She taught me how to play squash. Anne Wetzel was there every day. I got a private lesson Monday to Friday and by sophomore year was on the varsity squash team at Penn. Senior year I was the number two player and captain.

Being on the squash team was a major part of my college experience. We travelled all over the east coast and Canada playing matches and holiday tournaments.

Coach Wetzel was and still is a character. Having 4 children herself, she mothered us and was hard on us at the same time.

“You are too heavy on your feet,” she told me once. “You have to dance.” She held out her arms and did a waltz around the court, insisting I dance around the court, too.

She drove the van herself when we went travelling. We called her Mario Andretti. She had her own style of driving and we thanked God every time we arrived to a match alive.

Last night I attended a zoom 90th birthday party for Coach Wetzel. There were over 60 people there from all over the world that she had mentored, coached, and mothered.

Her accolades are numerous. She was a national squash champion in her day and was instrumental in getting women’s sports off the map. She has so done so much for women and squash and sports that it’s easier to google her than to list it.

I was struck by the impact that Coach Wetzel had on so many young women like myself during our college years. I took her for granted back then and didn’t appreciate her generosity, strength, tenacity, love, talent and stand for each and every one of us. Listening to everyone talk about how she made a difference in their lives was moving. She remembered all of us and was interested in our lives even after all these years.

Thank you, Coach for the difference you made for all of us. I love you and Happy Birthday!!!

“I Won’t Kill You”

I had a miracle today. It’s not one I ever expected to happen. And it involved life and death. Not to freak you out. It ended well.

Here’s my story:

I hate bugs. Can’t stand the sight of them. I love summer, but know that with summer comes the bugs and I dread seeing the first little crawly or flying creature. My skin gets itchy and I’m automatically in a bad mood.

My only hope is to keep the screen doors closed. It’s very important to me. What I don’t understand is why the rest of the world doesn’t get it.

“Shut the scream door,” I say every time someone leaves it open. “Please, shut it.”

And my family (ex-husband, son and daughter) would mostly ignore me. If I questioned them, they always had a good reason:

  • My hands are full
  • I’ll be right back
  • What’s the big deal,
  • or the worst thing, they would just look at me like I was crazy

Not a problem. I would just get up myself and slam it closed, just to prove something. I don’t even know what I was trying to prove, but it was something like:

  • no one listens to me
  • I can’t have what I want
  • don’t they realize this is war
  • people are ass holes
  • I’m the victim here

I’m not proud of being that way, but I can see that that’s what I was doing in retrospect. Just saying……..I’m sure you’ve never wanted to be right about something that if you really look at it, makes no sense. But that’s what I was doing.

But anyway. I hated bugs and if I saw one, I would make a big deal about it and my day was ruined by a feeling of disgust. I felt like they were crawling on me, and there was no place to escape from this horrible dilemma.

Now don’t calling me a drama queen because I don’t like that name. It’s just the way it was for me, ok? For most of my life.

Well……….my daughter came back from living in Costa Rica in May. Apparently there are bugs everywhere there and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not a big deal and it’s not a problem for her. You just include them in your life.

So screen doors are irrelevant to her. And what was worse, at my beach cottage rental, the screen doors were difficult to close. She would just spend the time with the doors open when I wasn’t there. So what if a bug comes in?

I tried to be chill about it and give up the “shut the screen door” shtick and relax. I was a little better. When I saw bugs, I tried not to curse and just deal with it. I was better about it. Still slammed the screen door a few times, but I was better. And, I still asked her to shut the door since it is MY HOUSE.

What’s the big deal about bugs? You ask. They are creatures too.

Well today I had a miracle. I am staying at my mother’s house and was using her powder room (to put it delicately). A huge moth flew out of the cabinet when I opened it to change the toilet paper. It was really big. I let it fly around. I didn’t scream. I just looked at it.

“OK,” I said out loud. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you. Just don’t come near me and I will let you live.”

It didn’t answer me (LOL) just flapped it’s wings.

I looked at it. It was brown with beautiful spots. I had never noticed bugs before. They can be pretty.

Now I remember. When you stop making something wrong, you can see what’s good about them. I wasn’t making the moth wrong so I could see something new.

I have to tell you. It’s exhausting to be stressed about so many things. Especially bugs.

And now this little moth gets to enjoy his life.

Thanks for listening and have a great day.

Happy Birthday, Dad!! I Miss You!

Today is July 5th. Day after Independence Day. Tomorrow is my Father’s birthday. He passed away 4 years ago. He loved having a big July 4th birthday party. The family came together with friends and hung out on the lower driveway drinking beer, eating delicious food, walking to the pond and playing tennis on my parent’s court.

As time goes by, my sadness is still there but seems to mostly be replaced with love and gratitude for who my father was. I can forgive the comments, impatience, and insults that I allowed myself to be victimized by for most of life. I can let them go and honor him for his humanity, goodness and inspiration.

He was the one I could count on. He was the one who provided for my mother and all of us 5 kids financially. He was the one that took us on family trips and encouraged us to be the best.

“Be Terrific” he would say when he dropped me off at school.

“Average is best of the worst or worst of the best. Which do you want to be?” He would ask.

NEITHER was our answer.

My dad left a legacy of us 5 kids and many grandchildren. He worked hard to put himself through college on the GI Bill, and worked summers in the Catskills. He went to dental school, bought a local practice, and always looked for ways to improve his dentistry and his office.

He got a master’s in nutrition in the 70’s before it was cool. He was involved in study groups, investing groups, local politics, and participated in the Lions Club and Indian Guides.

He never quit and was always striving to be better.

Thank you, Dad, for being a great example for the Arnow bunch.

I miss you and love you.

Happy Birthday!!!

How to Get From Struggle to Ease

Back in January, I was struggling. I had hired a marketing company to help me develop a strategic plan for my social media ventures. I had paid for it by “charging it” on my credit card, and was disturbed by how hard it was to pay off the balance. I was stressed out, feeling resigned, and feeling like it was never going to get easier.

“Oh, shit,” I thought one day. “What happened to my abundance mentality? I’ve forgotten all about it.” I had participated in Deepak Choprah’s 21 day abundance meditation a year before. Things had definitely seemed easier then. Why not revisit the concept?

I googled abundance meditations and stumbled on one about Lakshmi, the goddess of abundance. I listened to it that night in bed. I was soothed to sleep, images of Lakshmi, golden light, abundance, and tranquil bodies of water dancing in my mind.

The next morning I woke up as usual. When I checked my email, my mouth dropped open. I had won $4333.33 in one contest, and another few hundred dollars from another one. Enough to pay off my credit card balance and have money to spare.

“Thank you, Lakshmi,” I said out loud. “I think you just changed my life.”

Since that time, I have lived in abundance. For the first time I have extra money in my bank accounts after paying my bills. I have bought clothes and paid for courses and trips and still have money left. This has never happened to me before. And six months later it continues.

I still have brief moments when I panic. “I don’t have enough,” screams inside my head. But then I remember “abundance.” I can breathe again and my heart slows down.

Deepak Chopra talks about abundance and how it is our birthright. Another mentor of mine says that abundance is all around us, we just have to choose to participate in it.

Another author puts it another way. The “earth” is abundant. There are unlimited riches, resources, and love that abound. Where the limitation comes in is when we think of the “world.” The world is man-made with it’s self-imposed constructs, thinking and behaviors of scarcity.

This has helped me. I return to the “earth” and it’s abundance. Today I took a drive to the beach, even though the weather was not very nice. I looked out at the Long Island Sound, breathed in the sea air, and felt my body relax. The cloudy sky stretched as far as I could see. The birds were chirping and the green sea grass was a beautiful contrast to the beige sand and expanse of dark grey water.

Remembering that we are of the earth is freeing to me. It helps me return to relaxation and creation instead of scarcity, stress and worry.

I hope you will join me in exploring and creating an abundance mentality.

Thanks for listening and have a great week.

Are You Embarrassed To Admit You Are Stuck?

I’ve been using myself, as always, as a human guinea pig for how to get unstuck.  Lately I’ve been stuck in two main areas:  dating and work.  

In dating I get stuck when people don’t respond to my texts.  I automatically think I did something wrong.  I don’t even know these people, but it bothers me.   

It makes me not want to contact anyone.  The truth is, I’m afraid that if I say the wrong thing, they will “leave.”  

Here’s an example:  There was one guy who I met for lunch. We went to the same school so we had a certain bond and familiarity. 

“My wife wasn’t very nice to me,”  he said.  “Everything I did was wrong.  She would insult me.  She actually asked me why I didn’t have a plane?  Can you believe that?  Where is your plane? she would ask me.   That’s why I wanted a divorce.  I told her if I was so bad, she should leave.  And she did.”

“She asked you why you didn’t have a plane?”  I asked, mouth open.  “Of all things.”

In my marriage, I asked how we were going to make our car payments so they didn’t get repossessed.   I couldn’t get the plane comment out of my brain. 

He wanted encouragement from me so I texted him how much I enjoyed our lunch.  He responded and then I texted a picture of a little plane, thinking I was VERY FUNNY.  

I didn’t hear anything back.  

“Oops,”  I thought.  “I blew it again.  

I wondered if I said the wrong thing and insulted him.  After a day or two I decided to “check it out” rather than continue to berate myself.  

I texted him and I said, “Look, I apologize. It’s just so far out of my life that I thought it was funny. If I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry.” 

“I’m not offended and it doesn’t change how I feel about you,”  he answered immediately.

I don’t  know what that meant, but I didn’t hear from him again.

And that’s fine.  I wasn’t really attracted to him anyway so it made it easier.  The great thing is I could stop thinking I did something wrong and blame myself for it not working out.  


At work I was stuck in the area of learning.  Every week there are new tools, techniques, scripts, models and products to learn.  I couldn’t keep track of all of them.  I was embarrassed that I couldn’t remember everything.  I wasn’t learning ANY of them and didn’t even know who to ask for help. I felt like a poor, pathetic victim and felt very disempowered about work in general.

One day we were on a ZOOM call with our market office.  Grace, our market resource, asked if anyone had any questions or suggestions.

I decided to be brave.  Why not admit that I was having trouble?  Maybe other people were too?    

“Look, we’re learning all these things.  They are coming at us fast and furiously.   I don’t know where to start or who to ask for help. I’m not learning any of them.  It feels overwhelming.”

I was relieved to see my peers all nodding that they felt this way too.  I took a deep breath realizing I wasn’t the only one overwhelmed.  

Grace thought for a few moments.  “Why don’t you just take one thing and get good at that?”  she suggested.

I said, “All right, I could do that.” It sure beats sitting here, blaming myself and feeling paralyzed.

Speaking up helped me make progress and get unstuck.  And stop blaming myself, being embarrassed and thinking I was the only one who felt this way.   

If you have an area where you’re stuck, please go to, and check out my other tools and techniques. 

The first step is awareness. You put your intention on it and you get aware and then you can take different actions.  And by getting into dialogue about it, you can get untangled and create freedom to move forward. 

If you know someone who might benefit from this, please share it. We’re trying to get the word out. And of course… If you want more educational and fun content…

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One Little Email Got A Book Published

One of my clients really wanted to write a book about grieving. She had a bunch of people who had agreed to write chapters for her.  It seemed like a done deal. 

“How’s your book coming?” I asked her one day.

“I’m totally stopped.  I’ve been stopped for a year,”  she told me.  “All I need to do is send out an email with instructions to the people who are writing chapters.  I don’t know why I’m not doing it.”  

“What’s going on?”  I asked.

“I received an email from someone who told me how to send out the email.  It had detailed instructions on it that I want to follow.”

“OK, so what’s the problem?”  I asked.

“I can’t find the email.  I’ve looked and looked and can’t find it.”

We talked.  In the conversation it became clear that she thought she needed to read the email before she could send out the instructions.  The problem was that she didn’t know where the email was.

 “Okay,”  I said.   “Do you want to get this book written?”

“Yes,”  she said.

“Then we are going to send out the email right now.  Do you know what you want it to say?”

“Yes,”  she said.

“Then let’s do this thing.  Tell me what you want to type.”

I typed while she dictated.  We finished the email and she sent it out.  It took about 20 minutes. It was really simple.

Sometimes we complicate things, but we can’t see it ourselves.  We don’t know why we are stuck, we just are.  

Where’s some place where you’re stuck? You were cruising along, in action, and all of a sudden you come to a halt, and may not have even realized it.

Here’s a way to get back into action:

Just start talking about it.  In the process of talking about it, you will see what’s in the way and uncover a little reason why you stopped. Then, you can keep talking and figure out some small action to take that will get you in action and moving along again.

One little action and you’ll be flying….. 

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“You Can Do More Pushups” said Jerry Seinfeld

I was listening to a podcast of Jerry Seinfeld on Tim Ferris.  … It was a fascinating interview. 

He was talking about how he writes two hours a day to develop his comedy.  He works very hard at it, fine tuning his jokes, testing them out, and working them into his routines.  I never knew how hard comedians work.  I found it very interesting.

Then he started talking about working out.  He works harder and harder every day even though his brain tells him it’s enough. He knows it’s the brain’s job to keep him “small” so he doesn’t listen.  He pushes himself beyond where he wants to stop.  

The brain telling him to stop is an automatic thing.

So when he’s working out and his brain says, “Ah, you don’t have to do any more. That’s enough. You can stop for now,” he doesn’t listen to it.  He continued, “I set goals for myself in terms of reps.  I know I can always beat that number.  My brain is NOT supporting me in this.  I just KNOW that I can beat it.  I can always push farther than I think I can, and this continuously has me get stronger.  I tell my kids that too.  Don’t listen to the limiting thoughts of your brain.  You have to work hard, but you are NOT limited to what you THINK you can do.”  

[I am taking poetic licensing with the quote.  I didn’t take it verbatim from the interview.]

Yesterday I was doing pushups.  My brain said, “you’re tired, that’s enough.”  

I thought about it, but then I remembered Jerry. Instead of stopping, I did one more, and then another, I ended up doing 5 more than I normally think I can do. It was incredible.   

Every time my brain says, “Ah, that’s enough,” just because of what Jerry said, I go further. Every day I am doing more than I normally would. 

If I’m doing squats and I want to stop, my legs hurt, I now know I can go further. 

And I don’t have to listen to that internal voice going, “It’s enough. You’ve done enough today.”

So that’s my story about how Jerry Seinfeld got me to do more pushups. 

Where can you not listen to your brain, which is telling you to stop, but push past your limits and push past what you think you can do? 

Because you will be amazed, and you can do it!

Thanks for listening.

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F**k You

“Do you see what the fix should be?” Sam asked.

“No,” I answered honestly. I really didn’t.

We were reviewing a transcript of one of my video’s that was supposed to be today’s blog post. Sam is my marketing guy.

“You are talking about what happened,” he lectured me. “That doesn’t grab the reader. You need to tell the story as if it’s happening and make it vivid, emotional, entertaining and valuable.”

I watched him, thinking, “fuck you.” I sat with my arms crossed, on zoom, while he kept changing what had been transcribed from the video.

“Here’s the thing,” I told him for the 5th time. “These are transcripts of a video I made. These are not blog posts. They take me longer to edit and rewrite than if I wrote them in the first place.”

“I know,” he said. “You’ve told me that before.”


Instead, I just shut down thinking, I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. Do whatever you want to it. I don’t care anymore. “Whatever,” I thought, crossing my arms even tighter.

He didn’t continued to edit. Finally, after about a half hour, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I have to go,” I said a few times..

“OK,” he finally answered

Before I could blink the screen said, “Meeting ended by host.”

“Wow, that was abrupt,” I thought.

That was earlier today. I tried to rewrite the blog post but it really sucked so I stopped.

I took a walk, allowing myself to have my thoughts and not resist them:

  • fuck him
  • I don’t want to do this
  • I don’t know how to do this
  • I’m not making money like I was supposed to but that was ok, because I was having fun recording videos and writing blogs
  • This is no longer fun
  • I’m done
  • I’m quitting
  • Fuck him
  • If I was so bad, why didn’t he tell me months ago?
  • Why have I wasted my time up until now?
  • I paid money for this
  • I’m quitting

Here’s the problem. This is where I’m supposed to turn this blog into an empowering inspirational lesson. AND I STILL DON’T WANT TO STOP MAKING HIM AND MYSELF WRONG!!!

OK, fine. I’ll do it anyway. Here’s what I’ll say.

  • maybe I’m not good at doing it this new way
  • maybe I can just practice and allow myself to learn
  • instead of interpreting Sam’s help as “I suck,” I can interpret it as “he’s helping me get better”
  • it’s ok that I don’t know how to rewrite that other blog
  • it’s ok to be bad before you can be good
  • I don’t have to make it mean that EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE SUCKS AND I have no value as a person whatsover
  • and, it doesn’t help that I drank too much wine yesterday and feel like crap

Tomorrow is another day. THIS blog post is for me. I use these posts to create freedom so I can get out of my funk and stop making all of this wrong. I’m not posting it to FACEBOOK or anything. SO THERE, SAM!!! It’s just for me.

And if you happen to relate to any of it, great.

Thanks for listening.

How Someone Stealing My Account Turned into a Win/Win

One day a woman at work texted me to tell me she was taking over one of my big accounts.  

I was pissed.  How dare she?  This was not hers to take.   This was not right.

I didn’t respond right away because I didn’t have anything nice to say and didn’t want to start a fight. One of us was losing and it looked like it was me.

I happened to be in a course that weekend and we were looking at what if instead of a win-lose situation, we could create a win-win? 

It made me think.  I wondered if we could create a win/win situation here.  

I texted her and asked if she could talk.   

She told me she was mad that I hadn’t responded right away.  I apologized and told her that I hadn’t known what to say because I was mad that she was doing this.

In my company, we don’t just take away accounts.  She had gone around protocol and in my opinion, been very sneaky.  But I didn’t say any of this. Instead, I said, “Look, what would you need to make this a win for you? And I’ll tell you what I need to make it a win for me.” 

We talked and we worked it out so that we both got what we wanted.

It was amazing. I didn’t have to bad mouth her. I didn’t have to feel like I lost something.  We both ended up getting what we wanted. I couldn’t believe it.

Take a look in your life. Is there any place where if you got to win, then the other person has to lose? Or if you lose, they win? Or you’re right and they’re wrong or vice versa? 

It’s a limiting context.  Another example where I used this was with my sister. In the past, before I understood this, I would get a text from my sister and automatically be upset. It would involve something she was telling me to do, an opinion about me or my kids, or something else that would set me off.

If she was right, then I was wrong. And that was bad.    

Now, I have a different context. I look at our common commitment instead of who’s right or who’s wrong.

Most of the time the issue involves my mom. We’re both committed to my mom having the best life she can for as long as she can have it. We share that commitment.

So if my sister has an opinion, or if she’s telling me to do something and I don’t agree with it, I can say, “Hey, how can we make this work”, knowing it will benefit my mom if we work it out.

We can have a win-win instead of me just ignoring her, bad mouthing her and resenting her, and no one feels like they’re losing. 

So my question again to you, is there any place where you want to win so someone else can lose? Or someone’s right and you’re wrong? Or vice versa? 

What if you could make it a win, win scenario? 

I’ll tell you what, it’s a way better life. There’s a lot more love, a lot more peace and a lot more connectedness. 

So let me know what happens for you!

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