One of my techniques for creating freedom is not resisting my experience. Last night I woke up at 3:00 AM. My mother had unplugged a part of the alarm system my nephew had installed. I had no idea if it would summon the police or fire. Thankfully, my sister had also woken up, and knew what to do.
Crisis avoided, I got back into bed, heart pounding. It was a familiar feeling of something’s wrong and there’s danger.
I decided to not resist it. My mind kept returning to something that had happened earlier in the day. I had helped someone out and had expected to get accolades, acknowledgements, and praise. Instead I got nothing. I was surprised and I could see I got a little stuck after this.
My brain was telling me “you do stupid things and everyone is going to leave you.”
I recognized this as a familiar rant of my mind. Rather than resist and try to talk myself out of it, I decided to dial it up. I repeated “YOU DO STUPID THINGS AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU!” over and over loudly inside my head.
This is my automatic programming from a 2 year old incident. I didn’t get to go to a concert and was left in the driveway. (The truth, I think, was that there was never a ticket for me and I was never going. I just assumed I was.) I was disappointed and made up a story that I had done something stupid and that’s why they left me.
Yesterday I was disappointed too, I could see. I expected a different reaction from this person and didn’t get it. All of a sudden, the fear kicked in. “You can’t be your REAL self. You have to be good. Keep your mouth shut. And definitely don’t expect anything. You’ll just be disappointed. They will leave you again.”
All that was going through my mind. The difference was that this time, I just got to watch it like a ticker tape instead of thinking it was the truth.
I DON’T want to be right about that I want to be able to be my REAL SELF and be free. I chose not to listen and not to be right.
And today I am fine and fully self-expressed.
Do YOU want to be right? I challenge you to take a look.
Thanks for listening.