It’s Actually Not Nice At All

Accepting what’s so. I’m not in the mood to do a video.

Accepting I’m in a f—–d up mood and not making it significant.

This is what I learned today that I am still digesting.

I don’t speak up because I want to be the good one. I want to be nice and cool and chill, especially with my kids.

But I’m really not. It’s the being pleasant and pretending me that I am out to do damage to. I’m really NOT NICE AT ALL. I resent the little fuckers. I silently seethe while they do stuff that I think is inconsiderate, disrespectful and annoying.

And here’s the thing. Eventually I lose my shit and BLOW THE FUCK UP. I make a really loud, ugly and embarrassing scene. And I don’t really look nice at all.

Why wouldn’t I just speak up softly in the first place?

Good question.


My kids should have known to be quiet last night when I was sleeping and they came in late.

They should have cleaned up their mess instead of leaving it for me to clean up.


OK, I thought it would be a longer list………..

Oh, here’s the most disturbing one. My son should not have hit on my daughter’s friend.

She should not have gone to his bedroom. I could HEAR THEM. GROSS. UGH. YUCK.

“Nothing happened, Mom.” My son said today.

STILL UGH. My imagination was enough for me. GROSS.

And for the icing on the cake: my ex showed up today uninvited and made himself at home.


I shared in a course today all about it. Several times. That’s how much it bothered me.

Here’s the advice I got.

Ask for what you want. Create the life you want. Make requests ahead of time. Then you don’t have to manage your “Crazy.” You can have peace of mind.

Oh that. How simple.

So I communicated the rules:

Do not bring girls to your room in my house (my son).

Do not come unannounced or uninvited (my ex).

Clean up your mess. (all of them)

Sleep some place else if you are going to come in late and make a lot of noise (I didn’t communicate this one yet).

More to come. I will speak even though I have resistance. I don’t even know why I have it, but I will say what can’t be said. Because that’s where the growth and freedom happen.

I am CREATING LIFE OUT HERE as my blog is called.

And it’s fine that I am in a quiet, blah mood right now. Not significant at all.

Have a great night.

Thanks for listening.

5 Steps To Stop Getting In Trouble

I love this!!! It’s a CUSTOM THUMBNAIL!!!!

One of my high school interns is making thumbnails for my videos. It is so cool. Instead of my “not so attractive picture thumbnails”, she is making them look AWESOME!!!!! (See above).

And the other has redone my web site: It has gone live so feel free to check it out. There are a few minor changes still to be made, but I think it is REALLY GREAT!!! YAY INTERNS!!

I love having them. The third intern just sort of disappeared – but as the old 70’s song went, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. (It was kind of a mean song – I want you, I need you, but I’m never gonna love you – or something like that – but the lyrics have still stuck with me.)


This video talks about a technique I am using for creating freedom. I have used it on myself a few times recently and it has literally altered my reality in a wonderful way.

Today, one of my clients said he “couldn’t say no because he didn’t want to be mean” He said his schedule was all messed up, he was missing meetings, not getting anything done, and just didn’t feel good about himself.

My lightbulb went off. The Planning Genie worked her magic which I describe in the video above. I can’t wait to check back with him next week to see how he’s doing.


My son and I have talked things out so that is WAY better. Things are better all around since I “got into dialogue” the day after my psychic cataclysm. (I looked up the word – it is perfect for what I went through.)


To expand my originating circle and identify people to play with in my “creating freedom/saying what can’t be said” initiative. I am a little resistant, calling in my old “I don’t know how” conversation to stay stalled. OK, FINE. I will ask for help tomorrow. FINE!!!!!

Well, gotta go. Thanks for listening. Have a great night.

Transforming a Meltdown Into Something Great

Wow! This was intense. I was in a HUGE incident yesterday. It felt like a psychic cataclysm (if that’s the right word). I was in the midst of feeling stupid, worthless, powerless, not mattering and not being important. I didn’t know what to do.

I decided to just go with it. Not resist it. I didn’t eat or drink which was a miracle. I walked for over two hours. I experienced the pain and discomfort. I got into bed early because I couldn’t handle having to try to be pleasant. I tried meditating and reading but it took a while to get to sleep.

When I woke up this morning I knew I had to change some things. I had two REALLY hard but valuable conversations. One was with my son.

He had moved in with me on Friday. All weekend he proceeded to criticize me and tell me what was wrong with my life. Yesterday he left his dirty dishes in the sink and didn’t respond to my texts when I really needed an answer.

“FUCK YOU,” I finally told him. “How dare you? I open up my home to you, inconvenience myself, have your crap all over my home, and you act like you’re entitled and don’t respect me? FUCK YOU.”

We slugged through it for a couple of hours. He said what he had to say and I said what I needed to say.

In the midst of this, my appointments for today were blowing me off, and my social media numbers were down.

“Maybe I should just quit doing this,” I said. “Maybe it’s just STUPID!”

He started giving me advice.

“You know, you’re arrogance is annoying,” I said. (Saying what can’t be said!)

“I happen to know something about this,” he said. He told me all sorts of things I could do.

Somewhere in the midst of it, even though my arms were crossed, this is what I heard:

“You have a worthwhile message,” he said.

“What? I do? You’ve never said that and I didn’t even know you knew what I was doing,” I said, tears flowing.

“Yes. You are courageous. But nothing will happen overnight. Keep going,” he said. [He’s been reading Success Principles. I read it 15 years ago, gave him a copy, and now he is living it and quoting it. As annoying as it is right now, I’m thinking maybe I should start reading it again.]

“Seriously? I never get positive feedback and I don’t know if what I am doing is valuable.”

“It is. No one puts their real self out in public. No one lives a REAL life. It IS valuable.”

“OK,” I said and cried even harder.

“That means alot, ” I said.

And it does. I am not going to give up. Makes me remember how important encouragement is – especially in times of doubt. I need to remember that for other people as well.

ANOTHER NOTE: I transformed my “I am stupid” conversation on this video. Very powerful. I’m not rerecording it since it was so REAL. Very cool. Here it is:

I didn’t see this coming when I started – very cool

Hope it makes a difference for you as well.

Thanks for listening.

Appreciating the Front Line Workers

There were so many sirens I thought something terrible had happened!

Of course, I was crying. You have to watch the video to hear what happened.


My mom’s coming back today after two months. Can we see her? Do we stay in the driveway? How do we make sure we won’t infect her? Do we stay away and be safe? She doesn’t REALLY understand what’s going on I am sad to say. I’m afraid she will be upset. And, it’s not happening right now. They are still 2 hours away.

I am going to trust the universe on this one. I would think we should err on the side of safety. I know it’s hard for EVERYONE, not just us. We just haven’t had to deal with the decision since she wasn’t around here since the crisis began. And that was a good thing. Breathe, pray, breathe. Be in the moment. OK. Thanks.

My son moved in with me. That’s a little bit of an adjustment. But it’s great at the same time.

We are also looking for places to live when I have to leave here. That’s also a new thing. But not necessarily a bad one.

On a happy note: I had the best week monetarily that I’ve almost ever had. The highest AFLAC sales in years, 3 paying clients, and income from other sources coming in. The 21 days of abundance really works. It’s amazing.

Another miracle for Freedom: People are creating freedom and getting their accomplishments like never before. I am going to add that part to my vision. They are seeing their lives in new ways. Instead of invalidating what’s not happening, they are getting in touch with what they HAVE done. Truly remarkable.

It’s awesome, folks.

Have a wonderful weekend. Stay safe and healthy.

Thanks for listening.

Am I A Cold-Hearted Bitch?

I used my new 5-6 step technique when I was doubting myself. It took a little while for me to get clear as you can see on my video.

I have to leave for an appointment. But, just wanted to let you know that this was HUGE for me. I really didn’t know if I was just a bitch or if this was the right thing to do. This really FREED ME!! Hallelujah!

Here is 6 steps to use if you are doubting yourself.

Thanks for listening………

Well, it was the best of the three pictures!!

Recognizing our Accomplishments

Well, I am trying something new with my videos. Shorter and only on one topic.

How do you like them?

I am working with my interns to get a clear focus and objective about what I am trying to say and accomplish. I appreciate their hard work and talents promoting my stuff on instagram and in revising my web site:

It’s an exciting exploration and adventure.


Excitement at the OK Corral. My son and ex have told my family that they are moving out before my mother gets back. My son will live with me. I thought my ex had a place to go.

I just found out he doesn’t.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I can sleep in my car. Or I can sleep at the new house without plumbing.”

I kept my mouth shut. Silence. That’s how he wheedled himself into my mother’s home rent free for almost 3 years.

He was going on and on in his victim mode.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Well,” I said. “If I was going to put your happiness over my happiness, I would tell you to just come here. But I am not. I am sorry.”

“I understand,” he said. “If you really can’t be happy around me.”

“I really can’t. My sanity is at stake. This is a small place for one person, let alone two. I can not have 3 people here. I will not do that to myself. I am sorry.”

I am proud of myself. The fact that this man is not willing to pay for a place to live is not my problem. We are divorced. That’s one of the reasons. MONEY!!!!

He is not my problem.

He is not my problem.

He is not my problem.

Is that cold? Is that selfish? OR IS THAT SMART and I am FINALLY sticking up for myself and not getting manipulated. (This kind of reminds me of my book- read it if you haven’t).

I can make one of us happy. AND I CHOOSE ME!

And the drama continues……..stay tuned.

How things have changed in just a few hours.


Thanks for listening.

How I Got Good at Sales

It’s a miracles, folks. You have to watch the video to see what happened. Just last week I was whining about how bad I am. Like a fact. I can’t believe it. I had so much evidence to prove it. It was TRUE!!! Watch to see what happened.

Again, the best of the three pictures to choose from believe it or not!

On another note:

My vision: That everyone knows that they are loved unconditionally exactly as they are, that they belong to a world community, and that they are free to create lives that they love.

I am exploring accepting myself exactly as I am – it is quite remarkable to not resist my bad moods, insecurity, worry and disempowering thoughts. It is a pathway for freedom for me.

Thank you for sharing my journey.

And, today I found out that my book talk at the Westport Public Library has been rescheduled on zoom for June 9th at 10:15 AM. The moderator will be my writing teacher, Jessica Bram. That is so freaking cool. I would never have kept writing if it wasn’t for her wisdom, encouragement and patience.

More information to come as we get closer to the date.

Have a great night. Thanks for listening.

How to Love Unconditionally


Yes. Even me. I can even love me. Flaws and all.

Finally realized that I will never stop worrying, being insecure, thinking I can’t do it, and that I don’t know how.

Those are just familiar thoughts that I have really thought I shouldn’t have or be. I’ve been waiting for them to go away so I could get on to my REAL life.

Now I know, they aren’t going away.

And it’s ok.

I can do things anyway. I can be loved anyway. I can have that life I’ve really wanted but was afraid that I couldn’t have it, anyway.

How freaking cool is that.

Here is the video:

Uh oh – you never know who’s listening!!!

So, gotta go. I have a Conference for Global Transformation to attend.

Have a great night.

Thanks for listening.

Rude Muters – A New Zoom Term

Isn’t that hysterical? This woman last week on our zoom call was muting us before we had even finished talking. I talk about what happened in this video!

What kind of face is that? Good Question!!

And, I’m tired so this will be short. I’m in a very intense class and I exercised this morning and then took an hour and 20 minute walk in the sand this afternoon.

We were looking at “the nevers” which I also talk about in the video. Very freeing exercise.

Anyway, I can’t wait to be horizontal. “My dogs are aching” as an old friend used to say. Actually, it’s not my feet, it’s my legs and BUTT!!! Something about walking in the sand tightens them up. I hope that’s a good thing.

Have a great night.

Thanks for listening.