Seriously?

I almost keep forgetting that I gave up thinking people are not responding to me. And, that I’m not all those negative names I call myself. Here’s what happened this morning:

Two guys at the gym were literally just doing their thing:

  • one got up and walked out – I almost made the fact that he didn’t look at me (I mean, why should he?), mean that I will never have a relationship with a man
  • one said hi to someone in the middle of our conversation – I almost made that mean that I am fat and old and no one will ever think I’m attractive. Well, I started to but then caught myself.

I stopped myself thinking that those actions meant that I couldn’t have the life I wanted.

It makes no sense. Only I’ve been living that way for 60 years. I am only glad that I finally distinguished it.

Right now I am waiting at a client’s. I showed the receptionist (who I know), my book.

“I know. I already congratulated you on it,” she said.

What I started thinking was, “fuck you. It’s a big deal whether you already said it or not.” How rude!!!

And as I sit here, I remember, that she is not responding to me. She’s not the only person that thinks if they tell me once, they need to remind me about it. And, not be excited for me.

I don’t HAVE TO feel dismissed.

And, does she think that I honestly remember who congratulated me on Facebook? There were at least 70 and I didn’t memorize who they were!!!

Should I NOT have shown her the book?

It’s like when you are introducing two people. Do you err on the side of not introducing them if they don’t know each other? Or introduce them just in case and risk that they HAVE already been introduced.

I think I used to just feel stupid about everything I did. Now, I am in the process of just recognizing it’s their stuff and NOT ABOUT ME.

Can I let it go?

Yes. (Actually, I talked to the girl later after my appointment was over. She admires me and gushed compliments over me. Her initial reaction obviously had nothing to do with how she feels about me.)

It’s so interesting.

Also, I am seeing where fat girl-too old to be attractive talk gets triggered. Ummmm…….everywhere. So, when I see it starting, I try to change what I’m saying.

I am attractive, lovable, and create success with freedom and ease. Hows that?

OK, they are coming in. Gotta go.

LATER IN THE DAY:

And, there are amazing guys everywhere to meet. They are all interesting and I’m excited to get to know lots of them.

(That’s to replace there’s no one I see that I want to date!!!!) My daughter called me out on my negative thinking about men last week on the way to the airport – OOPSIE.

Meanwhile she’s in Australia somewhat near where the fires are blazing out of control.

I am calm (sort of). She told me she would let me know when to worry and so far, she hasn’t.

Here’s the video. Some of it is what I just wrote about. I was musing about my brain and how negative it is.

And also what was fun about today. I’m making a list of things that bring me joy and excitement. What a novel concept?

HERE SHE IS TALK TALK TALK TALK TALK

Have a great night!!!

Thanks for listening.

Working Through My Twist

I have this issue in my mind.

This video was me trying to work out where I STAND.

Caught in the middle – WHY? WHAT CAN I SAY?

It helped me to see that I am in the middle of two warring sides. I don’t like being in the middle. I don’t like conflict.

This helped me to see:

  • what I could say
  • what I was making things mean
  • where there are shoulds
  • what I agree with and disagree with

It’s a little long but in case it helps someone else I am going with it. I don’t know if other people get caught in the middle. Maybe it’s only me.

My old, pleasant, unwilling to speak up and get someone mad self.

OR NOT? Maybe I’m smart not to get involved.

THERE IS NO RIGHT!!!!

OK, gotta go. I have a call in 5 minutes.

Thanks for listening.

Check it Out – FREE ADVICE

I went on my a webinar today. It talked about “Guest Posting.”

Susie Moore was fabulous. It was a great sales pitch. She invited us to CHAT, send questions, tell her our dreams and goals:

“What do YOU want?”

“Do you feel this is right for you?”

I was right in there with her. It looked like a fabulous system for making lots of money effortlessly and with little time. Who wouldn’t want that?

I was almost tempted to ENROLL. Remember, I’m the salesman’s dream.

But I didn’t. I am so proud of myself. I did NOT press the button to SPEND MORE MONEY.

YAY ME!!!

And I loved the idea she was selling: Guest Posting.

And I realized I’ve already done it. I’ve been published on ThriveGlobal.com.

I had forgotten.

So, like I was sharing in my earlier blog, I don’t need to GIVE MY MONEY to everyone who has a good idea. I’m sure Susie Moore’s program is awesome.

And still, my heart was racing when I looked at the ENROLL button. It was the same stress I felt the last two times I signed up for stuff.

I stopped to think. I really didn’t WANT to do her program. I just want the results. Wow!

I am proud of my restraint. And, I am proud that I just published an article. Here it is:

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/comfortable-or-courageous/

It was easy, just like Susie Moore said.

I’m going to look for more opportunities for free information. It’s GOOD STUFF! After all, they are giving it away.

OK, I have to get on a call.

Have a great Sunday.

Thanks for listening.

Am I Brave?

Do I post the video I just did on Facebook?

Am I going to be “comfortable or courageous” per Brene Brown?

Good question. I’ll let you know in a few minutes. Let me get some coffee…….

OK I did it. Not sure if I did it right, but I allowed my butterflies as I pressed the button. I posted it to my story and then I think I posted it to the regular site. Who knows?

Whatever!

I gave up getting it right.

Here’s what I posted:

I posted it as premier on my YouTube channel because I was tired of hearing that first one whenever I went to my site.

I’m watching my thoughts change to:

  • you don’t now what you are doing
  • you shouldn’t have done that
  • what an idiot
  • LOSER

And I am replacing them with:

  • I AM COURAGEOUS
  • I AM A PIONEER

WOW! That’s a miracle!!! WHOOPEE!!

Also, I signed up for a free webinar today on public relations. At first I thought I was dumb. They have a great marketing mechanism – I found them on instragram. I know they are going to want me to pay for their services. I fell for it with the last two companies I “tried out” and had a hard time cancelling and getting my money back. It was a pain in the butt.

But then I had a realization.

I don’t have to sign up. I don’t have to give them my money. I am in control, NOT THEM. I don’t need to be a powerless victim. Why did I think I did?

I remembered 5 years ago when I WAS IN CONTROL:

When I got divorced, I took advantage of the free half hour that many lawyers will give for free. I learned what I needed to. I said no to the $25,000 retainer. I didn’t need or want to pay it. I didn’t have a lot of money, and what little I had scrounged during my marriage, I wanted to KEEP.

I did my divorce for under $500. I did pay a financial mediator $1000, but that was totally worth it. It helped up divide up our assets. I think I might have had the least expensive divorce in human history. And I came out unbelievably well. People can’t believe what I did – myself – just paying for 20 minute increments at a time.

So, in 34 minutes I am going to learn about public relations. FOR FREE!! I AM IN CONTROL!!! I don’t have to fall for THEIR PITCH!!

I’ll keep you posted.

I am excited to be the new, courageous, NOT people pleasing me.

Happy New Year’s! I really do FEEL like it’s a NEW DECADE!!

Thanks for listening.

Letting Go and I AM

Very freeing.

I somehow got the Oprah podcast with Joel Osteen to play for a second time. Usually I can only hear them once, so I felt that I was MEANT to hear it again.

I talk about it in the video so I won’t repeat it.

I know, it’s not a good look……

Making progress….letting go of being limited by what others do or say. Which does not make sense, but what can I say? It was my life. And it was definitely constraining.

Breathe…..Breathe……Breathe……Freedom and peace…..

I AM all the good stuff and watching my resistance to it. It’s very interesting…

Have a great night. More on Sunday.

Thanks for listening.

So Productive……

Today I finally took care of my health insurance. I have been avoiding the health insurance company’s emails that something was wrong and I could lose my health insurance. Today I dealt with it in an effective and patient manner. It took a while, but there was no frustration, annoyance or negativity. That’s a miracle.

I also scheduled my blood work and bone density exams. Check those off the list of things I kept forgetting to do.

Yesterday I mailed my holiday cards. Only to people who sent me one. Sorry about that. I just return cards. I’m on the defense instead of the offense.

I saw an email today from Tim Ferriss. He was talking about one-ply toilet paper. It was hysterical. Let me see if I can find it……

OK, Here is what was in the email from Tim today:

——————————————————————————–

New blog post: “Where Are You Still Using Single-Ply?

I recently had an epiphany.

It wasn’t in the shower. It wasn’t while meditating under a tree. It was while sitting in the bathroom.

As I held the toilet paper in my hand, I realized that it was single-ply. Clearly, I had long ago decided to save money by cutting this corner. “We are not in a position to indulge in such excesses!” I imagine I might have thought, shifting my shopping gaze from comfy double-ply Charmin to a war-ration house brand of single-ply.

Of course, here’s the problem: single-ply is a fool’s bargain. It’s a translucent sham. If you don’t want to shove your fingers directly into the pit of despair, you need to fold it over itself again and again, defeating any cost savings. And even if you did save $5 per month, isn’t the extra $5 worth trading 30 days of butt-sanding for 30 days of butt-caressing?

To make any headway with this, I first had to look backward…

———————————————————————————–

I didn’t click on the link to read the rest so I can’t tell you what else he said

I just liked that he was TMI, too. So I don’t feel alone anymore. Plus, it made me laugh.

Having fun recording my YouTube videos

OK, the rest is in the video.

Enjoy it!! It’s a long one. I Gotta go write my poem!

Thanks for listening

Why Do I Resist the Positive?

Sunset and Introspection

Good question.

I’ve been wondering about it all day since driving my daughter to the airport this morning.

“It just bothers me that you don’t see yourself the way I do,” she said. “You see yourself so negatively,” she finished.

Yes I do, I thought. That’s just what I do.

“It’s so limiting. You are manifesting the negative,” she said.

I got defensive. I told her why…………etc.

And I’ve been thinking about it. Why wouldn’t I want to manifest a great guy? Why do I say I just don’t see anyone I want to date? Why would I sentence myself to that? Why be resigned? Why be right about how no one will want me? Or that the ones that do are not who I want? WHY!????

These are all great questions. AND, you’ll just have to watch the video to find out. I don’t want to keep repeating myself. And, I don’t have anything new to report.

I am going to go finish my puzzle and watch a little Hallmark.

It’s New Year’s Day!!! Pretty soon work starts again!!!!

Happy New Year’s!