I was communicating with someone today and I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing this. I won’t mention any names.
She has been reading this blog and suggested I go to therapy to “slay my dragons.”
I appreciate her concern for my well being. I really do.
And, I don’t think I have been clear about the purpose of my blog.
It’s not to air my problems or dragons.
This blog creates freedom for me to get out of my disempowering thoughts. By getting into communication, I can transform these issues. In my brain, they just fester and keep me stuck.
I have learned through my studies of humans, brains and ontology, that our brains are very well-meaning. They want to protect us from getting hurt. Centuries ago, when we were in imminent danger from wild animals, the elements, warring enemies, etc., this was very useful. We needed the amygdyla’s function to stay alive. It’s the fight or flight impulse that kept many an ancestor alive when they were in danger.
In modern day, and this is my interpretation of science, and not necessarily factual, we are not in imminent danger as we were when our ancestors roamed the jungles and prairies. Our brains protect us as if we still are.
My brain tries to protect me from being disappointed. When I was two years old, I had my first “break in belonging.” At that time, it was painful. I thought I was going to a concert and I was “left behind.” As a two year old, I didn’t know what I had done wrong. The truth was I was probably never going and just thought I was. At the time, however, as a two year old, it was traumatic.
My “brain, in trying to protect me from reliving that experience, developed a strategy: be good, stay quiet, and try not to get “left behind.”
Even though I am now fully grown, and have survived many disappointments, my brain still tries to protect me. If I want to speak up, my brain goes crazy. If I want to stick up for myself, my brain argues against it.
If I listen to my brain, I’ll never have the life I really want. I’ll have a “safe” life, but not the powerful, fulfilled one I dream about. And, I still get disappointed sometimes anyway. So the safety mechanism doesn’t even work.
Speaking up is “dangerous” according to my brain. Someone might get mad or upset and “leave me.” Does it actually happen that way? No.
I have been experimenting lately with speaking up. What have I learned? It’s not as big a deal to the other person. They are not that concerned about me. They are concerned about themselves. And if I do get them upset, they don’t leave me. We have the capacity to talk it out.
And, the important point. Nothing bad has happened. If I listened to my brain, I’d still be a victim of almost everything.
Even though I have fear-like body sensations, I am speaking up more and more. And it has created freedom for me. This blog allows me to work through stuck thoughts. It literally creates freedom and power for me. It is not “dragons” or permanent issues I need to discuss with a therapist. I have tools and techniques that I know work. This blog is one of them.
So, please don’t feel sorry for me or think I am having issues. I am literally having a great life. And, I want to be a successful writer and speaker so I am pushing beyond my limits of comfort. It’s exhilarating and scary to go into the unknown and risk criticism and judgement. But I am doing it anyway. So I can live my dreams.
NOTE FOR THOSE WAITING FOR UPDATES ON MY GOING OUT:
I have not really gone behind my comfort with the dating scene YET!!! That’s my next avenue for freedom and having my dream of having an amazing life partner to travel first class with around the world. I envision staying in world class spas and having all expenses paid by the people hiring me. Why not dream? Who’s to say I CAN’T have it?
Thanks again for listening. It always makes a difference for ME!!!!!!
2 thoughts on “Misconception”
Darling Hilary… I get you, I am you, I love you!
You’re the best!!! Love you!!!!!