One day a woman at work texted me to tell me she was taking over one of my big accounts.
I was pissed. How dare she? This was not hers to take. This was not right.
I didn’t respond right away because I didn’t have anything nice to say and didn’t want to start a fight. One of us was losing and it looked like it was me.
I happened to be in a course that weekend and we were looking at what if instead of a win-lose situation, we could create a win-win?
It made me think. I wondered if we could create a win/win situation here.
I texted her and asked if she could talk.
She told me she was mad that I hadn’t responded right away. I apologized and told her that I hadn’t known what to say because I was mad that she was doing this.
In my company, we don’t just take away accounts. She had gone around protocol and in my opinion, been very sneaky. But I didn’t say any of this. Instead, I said, “Look, what would you need to make this a win for you? And I’ll tell you what I need to make it a win for me.”
We talked and we worked it out so that we both got what we wanted.
It was amazing. I didn’t have to bad mouth her. I didn’t have to feel like I lost something. We both ended up getting what we wanted. I couldn’t believe it.
Take a look in your life. Is there any place where if you got to win, then the other person has to lose? Or if you lose, they win? Or you’re right and they’re wrong or vice versa?
It’s a limiting context. Another example where I used this was with my sister. In the past, before I understood this, I would get a text from my sister and automatically be upset. It would involve something she was telling me to do, an opinion about me or my kids, or something else that would set me off.
If she was right, then I was wrong. And that was bad.
Now, I have a different context. I look at our common commitment instead of who’s right or who’s wrong.
Most of the time the issue involves my mom. We’re both committed to my mom having the best life she can for as long as she can have it. We share that commitment.
So if my sister has an opinion, or if she’s telling me to do something and I don’t agree with it, I can say, “Hey, how can we make this work”, knowing it will benefit my mom if we work it out.
We can have a win-win instead of me just ignoring her, bad mouthing her and resenting her, and no one feels like they’re losing.
So my question again to you, is there any place where you want to win so someone else can lose? Or someone’s right and you’re wrong? Or vice versa?
What if you could make it a win, win scenario?
I’ll tell you what, it’s a way better life. There’s a lot more love, a lot more peace and a lot more connectedness.
So let me know what happens for you!
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