Rather Than Numb Myself…..

Rather than numb myself with food I am going to write. I want to eat and I’m not hungry. Also, I only have 6 daily points left for Weight Watchers and it’s only 4:34.

What’s going on?

Thanks for asking.

I made alot of calls today for work and set up some appointments which was good. The bad part was that a few of the people I was following up with said no, we are not interested. After the 4th bad thing, I just felt resigned. Why bother wasting my time with this shit? I never wanted to be in sales anyway.

I went for a walk since I was feeling like “poop on a stick” as my kids used to say. My overwhelming little girl conversation is “I can’t get it right.” In that conversation, I am going through the motions and I guess, being right about how nothing will work. Everything seems like evidence and right now, eating seems like at least it would dull the pain temporarily.

Also, I guess I miss my guy “friend”. For the past year, I enjoyed talking to him on the phone and seeing him. It was something to look forward to. We were close and I liked being able to tell him what was going on in my day and hearing about his. I miss that. Pretending that I don’t is bullshit. There is nothing wrong with missing it. I am going to allow those feelings to come up.

Also, with my course. I filled it with 17 people in the last two days which is amazing. The part that is embarrassing is that I didn’t charge anyone for the course. I made $0 with this second course. I am admitting that I AM STUCK HERE. I am going to use this stuckness in the next course which launches today.

Why would I not charge people? Good question:

• some people said they had no money – so I was nice and let them in anyway
• I wanted to fill my course more than I wanted to wait for people who were willing to pay
• some were my daughters friends
• many are reviewers from the last time and do not have to pay again

I am going to accept that I did that and stop making myself wrong.

I am going to grow and develop in the area of asking to be paid. That’s all I can do right now.

The good news is I have 17 people. My goal was 20 like last time. (It doesn’t mean anything that I didn’t charge them.)

I am looking to the future when I am free to ask to be paid, Oprah calls me to be on her show, and my show is a roaring success. This is just the journey I am on.

All is well.

Thanks for listening.

PS The changes in type size has no meaning. I couldn’t figure out how to make it all bigger. WordPress changed and it defaults to tiny which is really annoying