Yes, I just had to do it.
But it’s true. You will have to watch the video for that one. I really had a great time recording it.
Last night I was so mad at my ex. I could not see a way out of my torture.
I finally found freedom which I talk about on the video.
Also, I went shopping today for food. OMG. It’s like a sci fi movie. I know I’ve been lucky to have my son shop for me, but I really wanted Stew Leonard’s tuna salad. (I bought 3). I also bought 6 of the whole grain bagels that I love. I cut them into thirds and froze them. I think I am cheating on the points, thought. The pieces weigh 2 ounces which is 5 points and I only put them down for one ounce (2). UGH. I said I’d be honest so I will fix that. Bummer.
OK, I fixed it. I don’t want to start cheating again. That’s how I end up gaining weight. Lying to myself just doesn’t work.
I sometimes wonder if life will ever be “normal” again. Then I think “do I really want it to be?” Then I think, this is really fucked up. Then I think, I better just stop thinking because there’s no good alternative here:
- stay alone forever
- go back to how it was
- who the fuck knows?
None of them seem too good, right?
OR, create your life the way you want it. Well, that’s what I am trying to do with my new self:
- The Planning Genie
Except I googled genie and it said “feral child.” That’s not really a positive.
Well, I’ll just have to sit with it. It will probably change tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.