In a Race

I’m in a race. I only have 2 minutes to write this. So it will be short.

I’m working through my limits. I’m afraid to ask people to pay me. It feels like a physical thing but I’m sure it’s not. Just body sensations.

I’m afraid of doing it wrong. I have.

I’m afraid it will be awkward. It is.

I’m afraid they will say no. They have.

I’ve practiced on 5 people so far and I guess the worse has already happened and I didn’t die from it.

What if I could be free and enjoy learning and exploring?

Why can’t I just do that?

I DON’T KNOW.

I’M LOOKING, OK?

Maybe I’m afraid of actually being successful. What would I have to do then? What would I complain about?

Oh, that’s not a problem, I answer. I can always find something. (There’s always my weight!)

OK, more later.

I’ve had some time to calm down. I am nervous for my 6:00 conversation. I am going to relax and just be present. Find out what this person wants and “GET REAL” with her about if she really wants to accomplish it. If not, fine. If yes, great. Either way I will survive.

I guess I’m going beyond what’s comfortable for my little paradigm. So, bring it, world. Let’s get crazy and dangerous!!! After all, I can burn my ear on the phone, right? Or, she can hang up on me and it will be really loud and damage my eardrum!!! What else can really happen? I guess I could get insulted or rejected. Will that kill me? I hope not.

I will give you an update tomorrow.

I know, the song is LET’S GET LOUD (not crazy and dangerous). That’s what I’m hearing in my mind. I’m going to dance now!!

Here’s the video where I also try to work through this resistance.

I did everything in the Power Hour including read for 15 minutes.

In 45 minutes: I wrote an article for my friend, Marie, for her Good News project and emailed it to her. I recorded a video. I wrote this blog – well, started it – and I read 15 minutes.

And I always think I don’t do enough. I guess I can give that one up. I think that’s amazing productivity for 45 minutes. !!! YAY!!!

Thanks for listening. Stay healthy and safe please.

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