Dealing with Pain

Yesterday I hurt my back. Today it still hurts and also radiates to my stomach. I just googled if this is a problem. I’m going to say no. I just pulled a muscle that wraps around to the front. Tomorrow I declare I will be good as new.

That being said, my video is very mellow. In some parts you can’t even hear it, but I was just too relaxed/lazy/in pain to re-record. So I went with it.

NEXT TOPIC: Now that I don’t have a reason to quarantine, (watch the video if you want to understand why), I thought my son was coming over because he said he was.

He, however, has a different sense of time then me. I think if you say you’re coming over, you’re coming over. So I put out hor’doevres (sp) and I waited. And waited. And waited. And recorded this video and am writing this blog.

He finally called after my ex told him I was waiting. “We can come over if you want.”

I could hear the obligation in his voice. “That’s ok. I’m in pain.”

“OK, maybe tomorrow.”

“OK, but just for some guilt, I was waiting and put food out for you.”

“I know, Dad told me.”

“OK, have fun.”

My ex had invited me there before he knew I was waiting for “our” son. (They live together at my mother’s house in case you don’t know that. My mother is in Pennsylvania at my sister’s house waiting out the corona catastrophe much to her dismay).

I said no to my ex. Before I quarantined myself, (again watch the video), I used to go to my mom’s to see my son sometimes. It wasn’t really that enjoyable and I felt bad about that.

I’m just not interested in waiting around for 3 hours while they both cook an extravagant and complicated meal. It’s just not my style. I was thinking about it last night while not being able to fall asleep.

“Is that terrible of me? Am I just a kill-joy? Am I no fun?”

“Should I want to hear my ex’s loud fucking music that I hate breaking my ear drums?”

“Should I put up with my ex annoying me for the sake of spending time with my son?

“Is it bad to mind watching them cook for 3 hours and then having to clean up the mess and then getting home at 11:00 when I have to wake up early?”

And my answer: NO!

It’s not bad to not want to do that. They have a different sense of timing like I said earlier.

I can make a simple salad in one bowl, clean it after, and be done in 30-45 minutes if I eat slow. Or have some chips and hummus. Very simple. Quick and easy.

I hate to say this, but it was sort of easier when I was quarantined. I didn’t have to decide whether to go or not. I didn’t have to say no. I didn’t have to say yes and then dread the evening.

Then, the answer was simple: I’m staying here alone so I don’t potentially infect you.

And, they were very sweet. One night they brought me dinner and last night they bought anti-corona supplies since I thought I had it. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I just want my life to work for me. I guess I can just speak up and try to work out a solution that works for all of us. What a novel idea!! Without being a victim or afraid to speak up. Wow!! I hadn’t thought of that. Glad I brought this up on this blog. Thanks for your help!!

I look high, but it was just the sun in my eyes. I don’t smoke!!!!

So anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better and I can now relax.

Hope you are all staying healthy and safe.

Thanks for listening.

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