Pushing the Envelope

He’s back and I am practicing asking for what I want. This is a soap opera of my real life. I am using it in case it can help someone else.

Probably only those women who have been in bad relationships will relate. It would seem idiotic to an observor, but for me, the whole thing still has a grip on me.

I am breaking through the grip. I am feeling shame, fear, and vulnerability.

But I’m also eperiencing pride. I am proud of myself for challenging everything I have put together as my identity:

  • Being quiet
  • Not being high maintenance
  • Being good
  • Not asking for what I want
  • Putting up with whatever is given in the name of “being someone that can be kept around”
  • Because I have speaking up equal to “being left”

I am sure this guy will NOT call me because of what I asked him to think about. (Watch the video to find out).

So even though I may look ridiculous and ignorant to the outside eye, this is REAL FOR ME.

Thanks for listening. If you don’t like these episodes, hopefully there will be a new topic soon.

Right now I am using whatever I am struggling with and this is it.

Here it is – shame and pushing the envelope:

Part of me can’t believe I’m publishing this – oh well I am!

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