Tried to Stay Upset

I was in a great mood until our new wonderful AFLAC system kept throwing me out when I was trying to sell to a client. It was taking a long time to get to the next screen and instead of getting there, it logged me out. I was trying to stay positive.

“I’m sorry, but I am going to have to leave.”

What could I say? I couldn’t make the system work.

I packed up my stuff. I went outside.

I got in my car. I actually cried for several moments.

I decided not to resist my feelings. I let them out and keep watching my thoughts. I traced them back to an 8 year old incident.

My mother was trying to teach me how to hit the tennis ball for the first time.

I couldn’t hit it. I kept missing it and missing it. Finally I quit.

“Keep trying,” my mother said.

“NO. I CAN’T DO THIS.”

I don’t know if I threw my racket at that age, but I definitely had a temper tantrum.

I can see that I still hate not being able to do something. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I want to quit. I make it wrong. I make myself wrong. The whole world gets wrong.

Well, folks, this has been my work. I haven’t been able to sell.

And it has lasted 4 months. My sales have sucked for 4 months. The longest slump ever. I HATE IT!!!

The Law of Attraction BE DAMNED. I decided to let my negativity flow.

“I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. I CAN’T DO THIS.”

My adult version of the tantrum is to numb it. Give me a beer or wine and some nachos. Let me numb the pain in my chest, neck and back. Numb the fact that when I don’t sell, I don’t make money and it doesn’t seem like I will EVER SELL ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!!!

Today, I tried to NOT BE HAPPY on the video. You will see what happened if you watch it. I had fun but no tell anyone because I’m supposed to still be miserable.

And, you will learn who Pathetic Patty is. A very close friend. A little too close.

Pathetic Patty or Happy Hilary?

What I know: it definitely helps to get this stuff out. Pretending I’m fine just makes it worse.

This was actually fun. And 45 minutes ago I didn’t think that was possible.

Have a great night. Thanks for listening.

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