I Did It

Today I started out happy. It was great. Full of life, possibility and ready to conquer the world.

All it took was three little things and BOOM!

My thoughts change to:

Everything sucks. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m broke and will never make money. These videos are stupid. I’ll never publish my book. I’ll never find a guy. I’m fat….you know, the usual shit when I am in my down swing.

It was an immediate switch. Happy one minute, resigned and pathetic the next.

Here’s the thing.

I just spent the weekend listing all my incompletions. I created wonderful ways to take on my disappointments and create life:

• forgive and move on
• let it go and move on
• put the past in the past and create life in the present
• get over myself and enjoy my life by focusing on the positive

Aren’t those wonderful thoughts? I thought so way back when I made them this morning.

I had marked complete next to a bunch of these items. And I was complete this morning.

Now, however, I don’t think I am anymore. This afternoon I am calling myself a liar. I can say they are done as long as I am in a good mood. This afternoon I am not and so I hate everyone again, including myself. I have not moved on. I am still hating and resenting. I am VERY STUCK IN THE PAST, feeling hopeless and powerless.

Well, maybe not in reality. That’s just how it feels.

And, I look totally ugly on this video when it gets me in the wind and from the side. Just saying………

OK, I’m back. Had to change into my comfy bra.

I think the reason I have the headache is because I had too much coffee this morning. I got to a meeting and was going to switch to water. But, my associate had bought me a LARGE coffee cause that’s what I like and drink in the morning. So what did I do? I DRANK IT!!!

UGH!! Big mistake.

OK, I am going to close my eyes and try to relax and BE with the headache. Maybe that will work.

This video really made me laugh out loud. I was all over the place. Let me know if you laugh too!!! (Or if you think it’s dumb!!@!)

Asta La Vista.