From Melancholy to Laughing

Remembering my wonderful Fernwood. I miss you, Fran. I can’t believe you’ve been gone a year. Thank you for always making me laugh. I love you.

OK, enough sadness.

In this video, I talked about getting out of my head and into dialogue. Today I was listening to podcasts while driving up and down the roads for work. Oprah’s girls said to be specific in what you were asking for or you’d get what you didn’t want. (That made me worried instead of empowered).

Abraham Hicks talked about vibrations and attraction. I was fine this morning. Then I got confused. I guess I’ll take what empowers me and leave the rest behind. OK, good. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Just now my son called. He was driving. I could hear he was stuck in his negative brain patterns.

“What’s going on?”

“Ugh,” he said.

“Give it to me,” I said. “This will be fun.” [He said I could use his quote in my blog cause it’s funny.]

He started talking about himself in the third person.

“He’s a low vibrating Italian ass hole who treats his grandmother like shit. He cooks all day and doesn’t do what he needs to do with his life. He’s gay and fat and not doing what he needs to do.”

“That’s great,” I said, laughing. “I love it. Here’s mine…………….”

“Fat, wrinkled, old moody bitch who can’t sell for shit, is running out of money, can’t lose weight to save her life, and will NEVER find anything close to a guy she wants to have a relationship with. Losers please apply. Liars please apply. Weirdos please apply. Perverts and non-sexual beings are always welcome.”

This was fun. We got to say what was there.

And please don’t tell me to be positive. That doesn’t work for me. I need to say it, laugh about it, and create something new.

Keeping it in and pretending to be positive just makes me go down the tunnel of patheticism. (I think I made up that word).

OK, I have to go to my mother’s. I am going to expand my capacity to be with her confusion. I am going to be with it instead of wanting to run away and wish she was different.

And I’m sad. My mom is still amazing for almost 90. Her mind is just not what it was. But she’s still pretty great. She doesn’t mean any harm. She would literally give me the shirt off her back if I wanted it.

So I am going to say I am lucky and be wonderful and patient. (Drinking will definitely help. I’ll probably drink alot but I’m ok with that).

Thanks for listening. Have a great night.