Tomorrow I am leaving for North Carolina for my nephew’s Bar Mitsvah. My whole family will be there.
My commitment is: everyone is perfect as they are, AND to listen from people’s greatness. I have shared this with my immediate family and they are all on board.
Then, Sunday, I leave for Costa Rica. I am on a Consultant’s Vacation Course. I asked one of the consultant’s if it was their vacation and we were just included in it.
“No,” he said. They are working and taking care of us. I like that better. It’s actually pretty cool. I think there’s about 50 of us. At the Four Seasons.
I was still in a funk. Still from the other night. Instead of allowing myself to be sad, I’ve wanted to run away. Really run away. From everyone.
I told this person that I thought I would just stay home. No one to run away from at home. I’ll just tell people I’m gone and hide for a week.
“Well, I’ve heard the Four Seasons has pretty nice rooms. You might as well hide there,” he said.
I started laughing. “I guess you’re right. It’s already paid for. I might as well go.”
At the end of our conversation I said I was fine.
“Are you sure?”
“Why?” I asked.
“You know, it’s ok to just be sad.”
How did he know I was still stuck? Amazing.
“I don’t know if I can. I feel like it’s too hard. I feel like I’ll fall apart if I do,” I said.
I thought about it. I know that being sad only takes seconds. Trying not to be sad takes years of feeling stuck inside my head and body. I gave him a list of things that had gotten to me and I didn’t think should be this way.
Then I allowed myself to be sad for about two seconds. I started laughing.
“OK, you’re right,” I said. “It wasn’t that hard. Thank you.”
And now I’m excited for my trip. To get away. To not have to listen to other people’s problems all day. To just be able to BE ME. And relax.
I don’t know if I’ll write when I’m away. We will see.
Have a great week.
Thanks for listening.