Party Day!!

Why is having a party so freaking stressful?

For the last few weeks I’ve been a crazy nut case!

Not present.

Worrying about what else I need!

Going to the store at the last minute to buy more.

I don’t know what the fuck that is, but it’s a major adrenaline, head pounding, frenzied way to spend the day. IT’S STRESSFUL AND PHYSICALLY UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

And this is a party. I will be surrounded by people I love, who are coming to celebrate me, cooking for me, doing something nice for me!! Just like I asked. I’ve created the birthday I’ve always wanted. Why aren’t I celebrating instead of being so freaking stressed out?

I think, rather than get present to how great everything is, I get busy. Stay in my head. Worry.

Because if I really could get that people like and love me, I don’t know if I could handle it. It goes against my story, my identity, my bullshit.

What would I do?

Relax? Enjoy my life? Be my possibility of connection and peace? Wow!! What a freaking concept!

I could have fun today. I could let the whatever it is fall (can’t think of the word right now) and just enjoy people and this beautiful day. [I just googled it on my second pass through – let the CHIPS fall!!!!]

I think another of my things is to stay busy so I don’t have to think.

It’s exhausting!!

So, thanks for this. People will start coming to help in a half hour. I think it’s time to get ready!!!

Then, I’ll enjoy the day. I’ll ask for help putting up my beautiful balloons and decorations and whatever else I need. And accept people contributing to me.

I’m 60. Wow!! And so far, it’s a fun decade. Lots of growth opportunities. Lots of love. Lots of creating life to look forward to.

Thanks for listening. I wish ya’all could come.

Oh – here’s a birthday wish. I’m not sure if I asked you before. If you like this, share your favorite blog entry with at least one person. Let’s see if we can spread the creative word……..

Love you………….

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