Weekend – Endure or Enjoy?

I wanted to write a blog called “Switchboard of Importance,” but I didn’t have time this week.

Hence this blog instead.

Today is Friday and I was so excited that it’s the weekend. It’s been a really busy week. I couldn’t wait to have some time to:

• take a breath
• relax
• read
• pay bills
• get organized
• plan my week
• catch up on my numbers for next week
• ……..

And really just let my hair down. Sounds great, right?

Then I realized that this weekend AND the next weekend I am completely booked up. Now, mind you, I chose these activities. I enjoy these activities.

And yet, here I am, in my mind, wondering how I’m going to “survive” the weekend, “survive” the next week, “survive the next weekend, etc……….

Like I’m rowing a boat across the Atlantic and there is no end in sight. I will ENDURE the next two weeks because I don’t have a block of time for myself. Victimized by my own schedule that I put together. Suffering through it as if it has been DONE to me.

Interesting, right?

I’ll be in my beach house, listening to the waves and watching the water, doing something I find fascinating, with people I love to spend time with, AND YET…….it seems like I can’t be happy because I can’t see a two hour block of time to do what I need to do.

The reason I’m writing this is to see how I can Create My Life the way I want it, instead of suffering through it unconsciously.

• I can enjoy my morning time that I DO have before things get started
• I can make a list of what will make me feel productive to do even though I’m busy
• I can talk to my friends about what I’m up to and see if they know resources that I can network with to further my projects along
• I can listen to them and create more connection and love
• I can CONSIDER signing up for a dating site (I’m not saying I will, but a guy friend told me about a free one that he is enjoying – again, no promises)
• I can stop worrying about my messy home or whether I bought the right food
• I can sit outside when I want to
• I can work on my puzzle when I want to
• I can ask for help with my party that’s coming up in two weeks
• I can freak out about my upcoming BIG birthday if I damn well need to and I don’t have to listen to people say it’s no big deal, be happy, etc. – FUCK THAT
• I can BE FREE – which to me means be any which way I am at the moment – and NOT LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WHO TELL ME TO BE ANOTHER WAY (yes, I am yelling) – BEING FREE to me is being how I am, not how I think I should be, how someone else thinks I should be, how I think I should be so no one gets mad, annoyed, upset, etc. Worrying about this stuff has caused me a lot of stress for no apparent reason, plus it’s impossible to keep other people happy. I know, I’ve tried and it doesn’t EVEN work…………ok, I’ll stop. Let’s try it again.
• I can BE FREE. Trust myself. Accept how I am as perfect.

Well, this has been helpful. A new way to look at my BUSY weekend. Free, fun, connected, discovering……….

And, I can always go back to victim, suffering, worried, enduring, and surviving if I want to. Or if I just forget I have a choice.

Have a great weekend. Or not.