Coping Mechanism = (-10)

Ever have one of those days when it seemed that every thing you did was a problem? Well, today I did.

First I missed two of my boss’s calls conference calls that were moved to today since we didn’t work yesterday. OOOPS!

Then I tried to help someone and instead of helping, I got her upset. She screamed at my boss who then screamed at me. Then she voiced her upset at me again. It sucked. Then, my boss called me this afternoon just to make sure to tell me about how what I did was SO WRONG!!!!!

Then something I did was also semi-criticized which just added to my pile of stuff.

Then my daughter’s car needed $1000 of work and guess who gets to pay?

Should I add more to this list? Why not?

I was up 2.2 pounds at Weight Watchers – so much for having that under control!!!

My credit cards are higher than they’ve been in a while – so glad to add the car repair!!

I didn’t make any new appointments for work and about 5 got cancelled for this week so that’s a net negative in productivity.

My mother, bless her heart, was asking me all sorts of questions that I just didn’t have any coping mechanism left to deal with so I jumped all over her. Now I feel like a major bitch who screams at 89 year old women. What a peach I am!!!

Actually, if I think about it, I was in a crazy mode last Tuesday as well. It must be a Tuesday thing. Great, I’ll blame it on Tuesdays and just stay in bed next week. That will help, right?

WRONG!!!! Right now nothing will help. I just want to whine and complain and get all this poisonous spewing out.

My son is coming over with pizza. He did ask if it was ok. I said yes even though it’s the last thing I should be eating.

But since I don’t care since nothing is good, I might as well eat it. Why not get fatter? (I’m actually laughing now as I reread this).

This is actually fun. All the things I don’t say are coming out. This is “Saying What Can’t Be Said.” This is really bad stuff. I’m a complaining negative bitch who made lots of mistakes today.

Maybe that means I’m PLAYING BIG!!! I’ve got lots of stuff going on. I can’t handle all the balls in the air. That’s a positive spin, isn’t it!!!

And, a miracle. My son’s friend wants to ask the Dean of her College (at Yale) if I can speak to the students. That was unsolicited. And what I want to do is speak.

How amazing is that!!!

So I guess the whole day wasn’t for shit, it just SEEMS that way. Easier to see it it as ALL BAD when I’m into my negative nastiness.

I used to get very negative when I had PMS. I used to actually say all the nasty things I usually only thought. Now I think that maybe the PMS me was the REAL ME. The rest of the time I was pretending to be a nice, good person.

The REAL me actually has opinions and nastiness. It’s actually way more fun than being the PRETENDER.

So,……….has this been helpful? It has for me. Hope I haven’t brought you down!!!!!

I’m getting ready for the pizza!!!!! Have a great f——g TUESDAY!!!!!