My 22 year old baby boy is at the airport going back to Minneapolis. He is in a training program for hockey referees and he will be there until at least May. He was here in Connecticut with us for 9 days.
I am sad to see him leave, but also grateful for the time he was here. Since I had hit my fourth quarter numbers at work, I was free during his stay. And I got to be available for Jesse in a way I probably never was before. I had always been doing something or running somewhere, always impatient and in a rush. This time I was available, mostly calm, and able to laugh and enjoy my boy.
Mark (my ex and Jesse’s father), Jesse and myself continued to discuss what we had learned about ourselves and how that relates to our “Why.” As long as it is a compensation for what we couldn’t be, do or have as a child, it is still in order to NOT have what we couldn’t have, instead of being what we DO desire or “want”. (Some people get crazy when you say want, but oh well, I’m using it anyway.) The brain doesn’t hear the NOT, so you end up getting what you don’t want unless you change your thoughts and paradigm.
For me it was not being able to be heard – I can’t stand when someone dominates the conversation and people don’t get a chance to speak. I go crazy. So I wanted to be able to listen so people wouldn’t be stuck or upset. So they can say what is in the way, see what’s stopping them, get their greatness, and create their lives freely. Is that still a compensation? I’m still looking at that.
For Jesse, if he is not pursuing his purpose, he might as well stay in bed under the covers.
For Mark, if someone speaks without thinking, you practically don’t deserve to be alive. He would put on his gravestone that he thought for himself.
What was fascinating is that our purpose, when stated freely and not because something is wrong, is a function of what we learned as a result of our original incident. Our gifts relate to what we couldn’t have as a child. I am a great listener and sharer as a result of not having a voice.
Jesse is great at helping people define their purpose and live their dreams – a result of not “being able to have what he wanted.”
Mark is a great thinker and speaker – not sure how his relates – he couldn’t have his father stay with his mom so he couldn’t be sufficient – so he learned to be the best at arguing. Not sure this one is clear.
But is it the chicken or the egg? Did God give us these gifts and that’s where the incident came from, or did we develop these gifts as a result of our incident?
I find it fascinating that they related to each other. I do believe that everyone is given certain gifts by God. How do they get portioned out? How do we get the one we get? How do some people get artistic talent? How are some people great musicians, scholars, scientists?
What would the world be like if we could all pursue our dreams and make use of our gifts? Would we be more fulfilled? Could we let go of the societal pressures that we often succumb to by not pursuing them?
This week with Jesse has been so great in so many ways – I got to relax and not really HAVE to work, I got to spend time laughing and getting to know my son, we got to get clearer and more aware of our “Why’s” and where we want to head in life, and I got to appreciate what a fine human being Mark and I created.
Not only is he handsome, but he is talented, intelligent, dedicated, loyal, loving, funny, fun and a joy to be around.
Thank you for a wonderful week, my Jesse boy. I love you very much and already miss you.