Missing My Vacation

I got back from vacation two days ago.  I am feeling like a blob.  I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way.  (Not a new thing).

I was listening to a Law of Attraction meditation and it says the only thing that you need to do is FEEL GOOD.  So you attract good.

Well, I feel like I’m failing that one.  My back hurts, my head hurts, I’m tired, I feel lethargic, and I keep remembering a comment from a woman at the airport.

I was merely remarking about how I was used to knowing everyone at the resort. (Our group had taken over the resort and everywhere you went there were people you knew and loved – it was awesome).  I was looking at a man in the airport and thought I knew him and then realized I didn’t.  

This woman said, “well, you don’t need to complain about it.”

I was not complaining.  I was merely remarking about the man I thought I knew and found it funny because he was a total stranger and we “weren’t in Kansas anymore.”  I realize her comment got stuck in my craw.

Underneath everything, I’ve been making myself wrong that she thought I was complaining.  I guess I’m afraid I am a complainer.  But I know that what works for me is “saying what can’t be said” and “sharing.”  And that’s what I was doing.  And what doesn’t work for me is when people give me advice, comments, or coaching about what I’m saying.

So, to be cause in the matter, (that’s what we learned all week), I could tell her her comment didn’t work for me and ask her in the future not to make negative comments about my comments.  Or, better, to ask her why she said it or what she meant so I will know and stop making up my own shit. 

I think I started in my funk after that.  And, I don’t know how to reach her so I will use this blog as a way to clear it out.   She was “not responding to me” and I really don’t know why she said it.

I am back in my home, looking at the sun reflecting on the Long Island Sound and it is beautiful.  Wanna hear my new man possibility?  Sure, you do.

“I am creating the possibility of a great man falling in my lap and with fun, play and ease we create an awesome life together where my fantasy life becomes my real life.”  Cool, huh?  I couldn’t even say it for a while.  I kept practicing it until I stopped making faces and could actually smile at the end.

I am giving up my past disappointment, make wrong, blame, and resignation.  I am open to a wonderful man literally stepping into my life.  I feel free to have fun, enjoy him, and create a fabulous future together.

That is new for me.  Before I would say it on top of a whole bunch of resignation and cynicism.  So, yay!  That’s a whole new world to listen into.

Some other things:

• I discovered newly that I love to dance – with a male partner who knows the steps and how to lead.  It is really really fun.  I am going to look for places to do that.
• I love doing my puzzle.  It really relaxes me but it is addicting I have to say.
• It’s ok to be tired.  I just had an amazing vacation and I am grateful that I have this weekend to recuperate. 
• Today is a get together for Fran, my friend who is no longer with us.  I am sad.  She should be coming to hang out with us instead of us remembering her.  

OK, gotta jump in the shower.  Thanks for listening.