Barriers and more barriers

I woke up today thinking the nightmare I had had was real.  I was supposed to get on a plane, but I didn’t know where I was going, what the flight was, or where I even was.  And I didn’t know how to find out.  It was a terrible feeling.

What’s the meaning there?  I guess I don’t know where I’m going.  And, when I woke up for real, I just wanted to go home and not deal with anything.  

I cancelled my lunch and did go home.  I did work, but my whole feeling was that I wasn’t  getting where I needed to get to (to be successful).

It’s just a feeling.  So I got out my spreadsheet and added up my potential sales.  The numbers add up.  But it’s too close for comfort.  I guess I need more of a cushion.  

I think the problem is that I wanted to try to get ahead.  I’m leaving for a week right smack at the wrong time.  It’s a long story, but I was supposed to meet my daughter in Mexico on her way home from Australia.  Only she’s not coming.  Since my trip was non-refundable I am going anyway.  Did I mention it’s a one week vacation?  Oops, forgot to say that!! 

I have to suffer over taking a vacation.    Because it’s bad timing.  I don’t deserve to have fun.  I should be working.  I wouldn’t have signed up if I knew she wasn’t coming.  I didn’t mean to have a FUN VACATION!! Poor poor me.  (Doesn’t that sound pathetic!??)

Oh, and I should have lost weight seeing that I’ll be in my bikini.  Yes folks, I like to get my stomach tan.  And, even though there’s more of my stomach than I’d like, I still want it tan.  Plus, I don’t have any one pieces.  I’ll just wear my cover-up to the pool, lie down, take it off, and if I have to get up, I’ll wrap a towel around me.  There you go.  Problem solved.

Back to my story.  I was telling my son that I woke up in a funk and he told me that he did too.  But, as soon as he listened to the Law of Attraction meditation, he started having a good day.

HUH?  I forgot about those.  This one is only ten minutes.  He sent it to me and I listened to it.

“It’s a good day.  It’s a good day………” 

I guess I should have listened to it earlier.

“It’s an ok day, I’m not feeling it, what’s wrong with me, I’m supposed to feel happy and I don’t, ……no one is setting appointments, I’m feeling lazy even though I’m happy being home and making calls……should I be somewhere else?  what is wrong here?”

That was what I was listening to.  Not so empowering as Esther’s voice on the meditation.

Tomorrow I am going to listen to Esther first thing and see what happens.  Maybe I’ll just attract success, feel sexy and beautiful in my body just as it is, expect miracles instead of thinking something is wrong, and know that I am doing everything I’m supposed to be doing.

That would be a change, wouldn’t it?

Even so, I have to admit that there was something relaxing about doing my day exactly as I did it.  I was home, comfortable, got to eat my healthy food, grilled my chicken outside, had the door open, and got a bunch of stuff done for work that I couldn’t have done if I wasn’t here.

A real change would be feeling good about EVERYTHING, just as it is.  Even about feeling blah.  OK, I can do that.

I HAD A GREAT DAY!!!!  IT WAS PERFECT!!!!

And tomorrow will be a great day!!!  Whether I like it or not!!!!

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