Need To Transform This

STUFF:

I rushed from my first meeting this morning to my second.  The girl I’m meeting just texted that she’s running late.  It would have been nice if she had let me know ahead of time so I didn’t leave my last meeting early and have to rush to be on time.

A guy who created this huge wonderful event with me four days ago for Women’s Empowerment was supposed to send me an email with an invitation and what we discussed.  I never got it.  I left him a message two days ago and he still hasn’t responded.

A new associate that is on my team has disappeared.  He finally responded to my text after 4 days saying he’s ago but has family problems.  I don’t know what that means.

My two best and only writing producers will be away next week.

My gas heat in my cottage has a distinctive odor.  I wake up with the taste of it it in my mouth and now I am coughing.  I am either paranoid or something about it doesn’t work.   It scares me that there might be something in it that is making me sick.

I went to a new health smoothie store the other day.  I had a delicious smoothie that was only 4 weight watchers points which is pretty good.  It came with an energy tea.  I got the highest energy level since they recommended it.  It felt like I was on sudafed which I hate.  And, my stomach has been a mess ever since.

A woman I’ve met is coming to stay with me tonight.  I am nervous about it.  I don’t know her that well.  What do I serve?  What if I/she snores (the two bedrooms are basically open at the top)?  What if my stomach is still messed up?

Why am I telling you all this?  Cause I feel like shit.  My head and stomach are whack-o and I am also annoyed that this girl is so late.  I am concerned about my numbers, my disappearing team, and the fact that people aren’t in communication with me.

When I pretend I am fine, I just get worse.  So, I am admitting that I am NOT FINE!!!  This SUCKS!!!  And, now that I’ve said it, I can actually be fine.  Nothing is permanent.  I will outline action steps:

  • I can get my heating system checked or find a new way to heat my rental cottage so I don’t have to live in fear/feel sick – I can call my landlord or the gas company.
  • I can call the guy who created the event with me and ask WTF?
  • I will call my book editor on Monday and continue conversations about my book (didn’t mention this on this blog – did yesterday)
  • I will accept the girl’s apology who is running late
  • I will plan around my missing associate – he has one new account scheduled in a couple of weeks and if he’s not around, I’ll do it myself
  • I will schedule more appointments later today and just drive as much premium as I can for next week and the rest of the quarter
  • I will drink more water, take my vitamins, and feel better
  • I will communicate with the woman coming over and tell her what’s going on – everything can be worked out in communication

OK, at least I have actions to take.  I still feel like shit physically which makes no sense since I was fine this morning.   I will not resist the negativity.  I will embrace it as part of today.  Nothing is wrong.  I have body sensations and feelings that are fine.

I can create a miracle if this woman ever shows up.  If not, I will take my computer to the next stop.  And I will make phone calls until I am back to being empowered.

OK, that last paragraph shifted my energy to feeling relief.  Nothing is actually wrong.  I just have body sensations and thoughts.  They don’t have to define me.

LATER:

  • called guy for women’s empowerment – he apologized and thanked me for communicating
  • girl was very nice – she told me why she was late – it ended up fine
  • I’m home – turned off the heat and opened the windows – I feel better.  I still have to address this heat thing, but I’m afraid the gas company will think I’m crazy.  (That’s a good reason to breathe in fumes, right?  I can see I’m being a little stupid about this, but I feel like it’s in my imagination since they checked it two years ago and said it was fine.  I’ll just freeze with the heat off instead.  Kidding, sort of)
  • and on and on

For me, it helps to get this negative crap out.  I don’t know if it’s the same for others, but it works for me.

Thanks for listening………….

PS  I told my landlord about the gas and he is already sending over someone to check it out.  YAY!

 

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