There’s a 40 something guy named Steve who works out at the gym. He is married. He had a girlfriend until 5 days ago who was divorced, but she broke up with him because she has another married boyfriend that she likes better. Hard to follow, but true.
Steve is one of those guys that loves to talk to women. You wouldn’t think he would, because he looks like he is shy, very negative about life, and always putting himself down.
Maybe he’s just fishing for compliments, I don’t know. He always tells me how fat he is even though he is obviously in pretty good shape.
I wouldn’t think a guy like him would have enough confidence to go up to all the women. But he does, I’ve seen him in action. I compare him to one of my much older friends who wants a relationship but is too confronted to talk to one. Such different MO’s.
Anyway today Steve was kind of following me around, giving me helpful hints about what exercises to do. I’m always open to new ways to do each muscle, so I let him tag along.
“Would you like to hang out after work one day?” Steve asked suddenly.
Last year he had asked me the same question, but in my non-speaking up way, I always dodged the bullet. “Sure, maybe,” “text me” or something else inane and non-committal.
But this time I looked at him right in the eyes and said, “I don’t hang out with married men.”
“We could just try it and see how it goes,” he said. “You look very good and you are very attractive.”
“Really??” I asked. That’s certainly not my reality. “No one else ever says that.” Now who was fishing…….
“Yea. I’m surprised,” Steve said.
Now that I think about it. This is almost the same conversation I had years ago with another married guy who was hitting on me. I was very flattered that time, too. But, I learned that he was a wolf. He knew how to suck women in and then discard them. He used the same lines. Fascinating, I thought. These unassuming guys who really are not shy at all but know exactly what they are doing.
“Steve, I certainly take this as a compliment. I really do. But I’m just not going to go there. But thank you.”
I walked away to go to do my cardio on the rower. Maybe my walk had a little more bounce to it. Maybe I felt like maybe I wasn’t just old and unattractive for a couple of minutes.
Until I saw the guy I had a crush on walk out with another much younger girl.
“Oh well,” I thought. “That’s the one I would love to hang out with. But, he’s just not in the flow with me. I’m not going to chase him if there’s no interest. I will just keep my eyes out for what is easy and natural.” I didn’t even know the cute one’s name or if he was even available. No actual loss except another fantasy in my mind.
I tried to focus instead on feeling good that someone thought I was attractive enough to ask me to “hang.”
And, next time, hopefully the person will be single.