You’re Addicted To Drama!

“You’re addicted to drama,” one of my teachers said yesterday.

“Me?” I asked, batting my eyelashes. “Moi? No, you must be mistaken!!” I wanted to say.

“The reason why I know that is because I was addicted to drama, too, in my past,” she said before I could react.

“Oh…….you were?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. And she proceeded to tell me about her life. Not only was she a drama queen, but threw tantrums when she was bored and created mayhem just for the fun of it. I felt a little better after hearing that. “And I’m not anymore. I don’t tolerate it in me or my friends. It’s not necessary,” she added.

Hmmmmm. I remembered an episode from 5 years before. I was on the stage in front of 500 people, sharing during a course.

“You love drama,” the course leader said.

I immediately crossed my eyes and glared at her, silently wishing her evil.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I don’t like being called that,” I said. “To me, drama is not a good thing.”

“It’s not bad,” she said. “It just means you talk more elevated and expressive about what’s going on than most.”

Well, I still didn’t like it. When people say “no drama,” I want to punch them.

“I’M NOT DRAMA,” I want to YELL. “I’M NOT DRAMA!!”

HMMMMM………Looking back, now that I am clear that it’s not bad or a life sentence, I can see a little clearer about the whole thing. It’s just the way I ended up being. Maybe I CAN admit I’ve been a little dramatic, BUT,….since I can tell you why, I’m using it as an excuse for being that way UP UNTIL NOW. (It just helps me be responsible so go with me here, ok?)

Here’s my explanation. It’s a silly little story, but one that has shaped my entire life.

• When I was 2, I was upset. My mother told me not to be upset
• No big deal, right? All mothers say that.
• Except, for me, for the past 60 years, I have been reacting to that one little comment
• “Don’t tell me not to be upset. It’s my God given right to be upset. I’ll SHOW YOU WHO CAN BE UPSET. WATCH ME!”
• And many many things got me upset. The world was a place where I couldn’t be myself, couldn’t have what I wanted, and that’s just the way it was.
• I was frustrated, annoyed, and victimized a lot of the time
• Many things that happened were a subconscious reminder of that event

Wow. What a way to live!! Who would do that, right? It seems silly, but like I said, it’s just the way it was. I was blind to my “automatic way of being.”

“What do I do now?” I asked my teacher the other day.

“Just practice being aware. When you see yourself doing your “upset drama thing,” just notice it and stop. You don’t have to do it anymore. It will take some time to be aware and to catch it sooner and sooner until pretty soon you will catch it before it happens.”

“Really? That’s it? And I have a different life?”

“Yes,” she said.

Hmmm. I keep almost going down the trap of thinking the way I’ve been being is wrong, bad, embarrassing, etc, but that’s just more drama.

And, even with my drama, I have a great life. AND, being upset all the time takes a lot of energy. If I don’t do that thing, I can focus my energy on something more productive.

Already I am booked on a podcast for next week and I have reached out to other podcasts to be a guest. I’m excited and, for the first time in a while, feel excited about my future.

Before I had snippets of excitement followed by major resignation knowing “I couldn’t have what I wanted, etc.”

Now, I have created that I am a Fun, Bold Stand. That excites me.

Stay tuned for more adventures and thanks for listening.