I had a crush on this guy for a long, long, long, long time. We worked out together. And one day, we found ourselves in an old massage room at the gym. And one thing led to another, and he kissed me!
It was my fantasy. I was so excited until we went outside and we started stretching.
“That was a friend’s kiss,” he said,
“Okay,” I said.
That night I was really upset. “After all these years of having a crush on this guy, I finally find out he only likes me as a friend. Isn’t that just great. I better just move on and get over him.” I was SO disappointed. I couldn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t get “friend’s kiss” out of my mind.
The next day, I just happened to be reading a chapter in Success Principles, by Jack Canfield. It said that when you get upset about what someone says or does, “Check it out.”
The next day, I saw him. I went up to him and said, “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he said.
“What did you mean by friend’s kiss?”
“Oh, I just meant that, that was how you would kiss a friend. If we were going to really kiss, it wouldn’t be like that. It would be super special.”
I took a deep breath, smiling. “Oh, okay. Because I thought you meant we would only ever be friends.”
“No, not at all.”
“Okay. Thank you. Glad I asked.” I couldn’t stop smiling the whole rest of that day. I’m sure glad I “checked it out.” Wow, I never would have come up with that interpretation. Hallelujah.
Now, when someone says something and I get upset about it, I can just ask them what they meant. What I’ve learned is that my negative and disempowering interpretation HAS NEVER BEEN what they meant by it. Not even once. Not even close.
So if you have something where you’re upset because someone said or did something, I urge you, check it out and say, “Hey, what did you mean by that comment?”
You can even say, “This is what I’m making it mean.” You don’t HAVE to tell them what you were thinking, but it usually ends up in relief and/or a good laugh
You might find that you don’t even need to be upset at all!
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