Haven’t you heard the phrase, you gotta give love to get love?
I had HEARD it, but I don’t think I ever really GOT it.
I don’t think I could fathom giving love before….it just seemed so scary. What if they didn’t love me back? What if they thought I was stupid? What if they rejected me? Or the worst thing, what if they laughed at me behind my back?
This weekend I was wrestling with some circumstances:
- one guy didn’t call me when he said he would
- a second guy cancelled on me because he had to work, and then didn’t call me when he said he would
I went south.
Why do I pick jerks?
Why don’t they want to talk to me?
What’s wrong with me?
I’ll never have anyone.
Even though I knew that them not calling did not mean anything, my story about how I’m unlovable just kicked in as if the truth.
I was talking to my wise daughter. She has a guy friend that she was starting to like. He happens to have a girlfriend, but they have an open relationship. She watched herself getting jealous of the girlfriend. She discussed her feelings with the guy. Her jealousy disappeared.
She got to know the girl, and started hanging out with her, too. Sometimes the three of them would hang out together. It sounds weird at first, but it is working. (If you are thinking in terms of sexual things, that’s not what I’m talking about here.)
She switched “needing to have this guy to herself” to loving them both as people. If my daughter is whole and complete and perfect as she is, then she doesn’t NEED anything from the guy or the girl. She can simply enjoy her friendship with both of them.
This helped me get “unstuck” about my missed phone calls. If I’m whole and complete, it doesn’t matter when or if they call. It literally doesn’t. I can love both of them as is and just have fun. I don’t need to be validated by a phone call. I don’t need to be resentful and shitty when I talk to them next.
I can enjoy future phone calls, but not NEED to get them to be OK.
I can GIVE LOVE freely and be open to receiving whatever comes back. There is no threat. I am whole and complete either way.
This shift has been miraculous for me. I no longer feel desperate, clingy and needy with men. I don’t NEED to HAVE one in order to be ok.
I can simply enjoy them, love them, and have fun with them.
If a wonderful man shows up and wants to be exclusive, I’ll deal with that then. I am no longer afraid of every little thing.
This is a totally new perspective and I love it. For the first time, I feel free in this area.
Thanks for listening.
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