Partners In Crime

3 things happened this week that illuminated a blind spot of mine that limits my ability to be free and live the life I want. I am going to use this blog to create some freedom for myself.

THING 1:

This week I almost did something that could have gotten me fired and in a lot of trouble.

Why am I admitting this?

Because it kind of freaked me out and I want to use it to expand my ability to speak up.

Here’s what happened: I was looking at a possible life insurance policy for someone. When she told me her weight, I was pretty sure it was over the limit for someone her height. I’m not positive, but I was pretty sure she would get denied.

She really wanted life insurance and my first instinct was to help her by making up a ficticious weight. That is illegal and fraudulent. Why would I even think to do that?

Good Question: If she had had a heart problem or cancer, I would just have told her that we should look at another type of policy because she wouldn’t qualify. But because it was her weight, I was unable to say something that would make her feel BAD ABOUT HER WEIGHT.

I felt bad for her and didn’t want to INSULT AND UPSET HER enough that I was tempted to do something illegal instead of telling the truth. That really scared me.

THING 2:

I have been making cold calls to businesses since early December. The first month I was doing great, full of life, energized, chatty and effective.

This week I was gun shy and putting off calling certain people.

Why?

Because they seemed upset with me the last time we talked. They were impatient, annoyed, ignored my calls, or just plain old hung up on me.

I didn’t like it and wanted to avoid them. Why? Because in my mind, I had obviously gotten them upset and didn’t want to make it worse.

I don’t like to GET PEOPLE UPSET, so I try to avoid doing the thing that seems to having gotten them that way EVEN IF IT HURTS MY ABILITY TO MAKE MONEY AND BE SUCCESSFUL. That was another disturbing realization.

THING 3:

Sometimes when people are talking to me for a long time, I get impatient. Especially when I need get off the phone and do something else. Up until now, it has been difficult for me to tell them I need to go.

Why?

Because I don’t want to upset them.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

When I think people are upset with me, I feel like a bad girl and need to hide. It’s probably a 4 year old behavior. It doesn’t work, but I do it anyway.

Now that I’ve told you my THINGS, I’m looking for a way out of my trap. I’m thinking I could start speaking up in a way that opens the lock on these types of behaviors.

POSSIBLE THINGS TO SAY:

Thing 1: I’m sorry, I’m not sure if you will qualify for this life product. We can try, but I don’t want you to be disappointed if it gets declined. What would you like to do?

Thing 2: Am I catching you at a bad time? When is a better time to call you?

Thing 3: Is there another time we can talk? I have some other things I promised myself I would get done during this hour. Can we talk later?

That wasn’t so bad, was it? Now I can have some freedom….

As far as the partners in crime go, I was telling a couple of people about my almost criminal act. I figured they would be horrified. Instead, they were almost giddy and shared with me some of their own criminal acts. I couldn’t believe it.

I was SO HAPPY that I wasn’t the ONLY BAD ONE. It freed something inside of me. I even got to add more words to my ABC’s of Badness. It is really fun to keep growing the list. It takes away the need to make myself wrong which gets me SO STUCK.

Very Freeing.

Enjoy Your Night and Thanks for Listening.