I had a great weekend. All of a sudden, yesterday I was in a funk. My body ached, my back hurt and something was wrong.
It took me until today when I was writing in my journal to figure it out. I was in a lose-lose scenario.
My sister was all over my case about seeing my mother at Thanksgiving.
“Did you go to the gym?” she asked me. Yes I went once since this summer, fully masked, kept my distance and washed my hands ferociously afterwards.
“What about Jesse? Where has he been?” He wears a mask and keeps his distance.
“I can’t sleep at night worrying about mom. I don’t think you should go there for Thanksgiving,” she ended with. This is the one that got me messed up.
I just spent the weekend with my mom. Everyone was fine. I’ve been seeing her since I had a negative COVID test last spring. I stay by myself for the most part. I am very careful. Am I seriously not supposed to go there for the holiday? Should I stay home and let her be by herself? Isn’t that cruel?
I felt like I was damned if I went and damned if I didn’t.
All day Monday I felt like an ass hole. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was. I really felt sick. My back and legs were aching.
Freedom came this morning. I was writing in my journal and realized I was in a lose-lose situation. I was making myself wrong for being in it. For not knowing what to do.
What if I can create a win/win for everyone? Just thinking about that had me start seeing solutions.
I can tell my son not to come since he goes out and isn’t that careful. I can have us all take a COVID test. We can go there with masks. We can stay socially distanced.
There are things I can do to make this work. I don’t have to be a victim to other people’s opinions and my own disempowering thoughts.
It’s amazing when I can part the fog, see clearly and get myself free.
I love it.
Thanks for listening.