Couldn’t Stand The Feeling

Sunday night I was IN A FUNK. I was mad at the person I am dating. I was going to say I was done. Adios.

Here’s what happened: Saturday we were together and I told him I enjoyed spending time with him, found him attractive, and was happy just being with him. Everything was fine.

Sunday, however, I started feeling very uncomfortable. I didn’t like it. I tried to explain to him that I felt exposed and vulnerable.

“Why didn’t you say anything back?” I asked.

“I was just relaxing,” he said. “No reason.”

I tried explaining my discomfort so I could get some relief.

He understood, but instead of decreasing, my anxiety and insecurity grew. I ended the call feeling pathetic, needy, stupid and unlovable.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, deciding that I couldn’t stand this anymore. The only way I knew to get rid of my discomfort was to end the relationship. I was sad, but knew what I had to do.

In the morning, things got clearer. A lightbulb went off. I was merely resisting my experience. I didn’t think I should have these feelings. I didn’t like them and was trying to make them GO AWAY. And it wasn’t working.

What if I could stop resisting and just accept them? Experience feeling insecure and needy without it being wrong? Allow the feelings.

I took some breaths and started writing. What was really going on?

Inside my head I was whining about how I can’t have what I want. Relationships start off great and then end suddenly. I might as well end this now.

I couldn’t believe what happened. It was amazing. Once I stopped resisting, I could see what was going on. I wanted to be right about how this guy COULDN’T really love me. I was making up the fact that he wasn’t giving me what I needed.

Making him wrong SO I COULD BE RIGHT.

Did I really want to be right about how I couldn’t have what I want? That I couldn’t have a great relationship?

Why?

No reason. I actually didn’t. And in that instant, the horrible feeling went away.

And with that, I felt free.

The love, joy and fun returned.

The need to think or talk about this disappeared. I was happy.

Isn’t that amazing?

What can you give up being right about so YOU could return to love and joy?

One thought on “Couldn’t Stand The Feeling

  1. Thank you! So clear and inspiring. I love your willingness to share all of the down and dirty. It restores me.

    Let that in. Breathe and be fulfilled. You are accomplishing what you set out to do.

    Finally, I could do without the closing question. Trust me, I am busy putting your insights into my life. You don’t need to prod me. Love, Lynn

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

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