Sunday night I was IN A FUNK. I was mad at the person I am dating. I was going to say I was done. Adios.
Here’s what happened: Saturday we were together and I told him I enjoyed spending time with him, found him attractive, and was happy just being with him. Everything was fine.
Sunday, however, I started feeling very uncomfortable. I didn’t like it. I tried to explain to him that I felt exposed and vulnerable.
“Why didn’t you say anything back?” I asked.
“I was just relaxing,” he said. “No reason.”
I tried explaining my discomfort so I could get some relief.
He understood, but instead of decreasing, my anxiety and insecurity grew. I ended the call feeling pathetic, needy, stupid and unlovable.
That night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, deciding that I couldn’t stand this anymore. The only way I knew to get rid of my discomfort was to end the relationship. I was sad, but knew what I had to do.
In the morning, things got clearer. A lightbulb went off. I was merely resisting my experience. I didn’t think I should have these feelings. I didn’t like them and was trying to make them GO AWAY. And it wasn’t working.
What if I could stop resisting and just accept them? Experience feeling insecure and needy without it being wrong? Allow the feelings.
I took some breaths and started writing. What was really going on?
Inside my head I was whining about how I can’t have what I want. Relationships start off great and then end suddenly. I might as well end this now.
I couldn’t believe what happened. It was amazing. Once I stopped resisting, I could see what was going on. I wanted to be right about how this guy COULDN’T really love me. I was making up the fact that he wasn’t giving me what I needed.
Making him wrong SO I COULD BE RIGHT.
Did I really want to be right about how I couldn’t have what I want? That I couldn’t have a great relationship?
No reason. I actually didn’t. And in that instant, the horrible feeling went away.
And with that, I felt free.
The love, joy and fun returned.
The need to think or talk about this disappeared. I was happy.
Isn’t that amazing?
What can you give up being right about so YOU could return to love and joy?