It’s Actually Not Nice At All

Accepting what’s so. I’m not in the mood to do a video.

Accepting I’m in a f—–d up mood and not making it significant.

This is what I learned today that I am still digesting.

I don’t speak up because I want to be the good one. I want to be nice and cool and chill, especially with my kids.

But I’m really not. It’s the being pleasant and pretending me that I am out to do damage to. I’m really NOT NICE AT ALL. I resent the little fuckers. I silently seethe while they do stuff that I think is inconsiderate, disrespectful and annoying.

And here’s the thing. Eventually I lose my shit and BLOW THE FUCK UP. I make a really loud, ugly and embarrassing scene. And I don’t really look nice at all.

Why wouldn’t I just speak up softly in the first place?

Good question.

I DON’T THINK I SHOULD HAVE TO. People should JUST BE CONSIDERATE.

My kids should have known to be quiet last night when I was sleeping and they came in late.

They should have cleaned up their mess instead of leaving it for me to clean up.

Etc.

OK, I thought it would be a longer list………..

Oh, here’s the most disturbing one. My son should not have hit on my daughter’s friend.

She should not have gone to his bedroom. I could HEAR THEM. GROSS. UGH. YUCK.

“Nothing happened, Mom.” My son said today.

STILL UGH. My imagination was enough for me. GROSS.

And for the icing on the cake: my ex showed up today uninvited and made himself at home.

That’s when I LOST MY SHIT. I WASN’T NICE AND I FELT LIKE A BITCH.

I shared in a course today all about it. Several times. That’s how much it bothered me.

Here’s the advice I got.

Ask for what you want. Create the life you want. Make requests ahead of time. Then you don’t have to manage your “Crazy.” You can have peace of mind.

Oh that. How simple.

So I communicated the rules:

Do not bring girls to your room in my house (my son).

Do not come unannounced or uninvited (my ex).

Clean up your mess. (all of them)

Sleep some place else if you are going to come in late and make a lot of noise (I didn’t communicate this one yet).

More to come. I will speak even though I have resistance. I don’t even know why I have it, but I will say what can’t be said. Because that’s where the growth and freedom happen.

I am CREATING LIFE OUT HERE as my blog is called.

And it’s fine that I am in a quiet, blah mood right now. Not significant at all.

Have a great night.

Thanks for listening.

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