To Numb Or Not to Numb

It took me 5 tries to record this video.

Today was monumental for me in my exploration into not resisting my experience. It took everything I had to give up seemingly “being in control.”

After all was said and done, what I did was allow myself to be present. There is no such thing as being in control, especially these days, so holding onto trying was making me literally feel insane.

I’m exhausted, but way freer to be than I was this morning after fighting with my good friend and almost ending our relationship.

He called me later in the day. I shared, cried, and was very real. In the end, it brought us closer. He shared, too, and I believe he felt better for it as well.

Once I got past my anger this morning, I felt vulnerable and needy. I allowed myself to just feel it. I moved past that throughout the day into many different spaces and feelings. By just allowing them (instead of resisting them and making them wrong), I expanded my ability to be with them, thus creating freedom.

This video tries to explain my process. I don’t know how well I did it, but after 5 tries, I’m worn out.


This was a non-nostril shot. The beginning of the video is not a good angle!!!!!

OK, I’m going for my second walk of the day. Hope you are all staying healthy and safe in these turbulent and unprecedented times.

Thanks for listening. Comments are welcome.

I’d love to know if anyone can relate to this experience.

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