What am I Trying to DO – PART 2

What road did I want to be on? (Continued from prior blog post)

Last night I started reading the 1-Page Marketing Plan. I was disturbed by it. I couldn’t answer the questions:

  • why should they buy?
  • why should they buy from me?

Who was my target market? I didn’t know. I put down the book.

I started working on my puzzle and turned on the Hallmark Channel. My favorite way to spend a night alone.

I chilled out all night – loved the happy endings. DJ from Full House starred in the second one which was a little like the Grinch. An angel lady takes her back in time so she can learn her lesson to pursue her talents and let love in. It was awesome.

[The fact that her “prince” was a fireman was a little annoying, but whatever. I can let it go, right? I’m complete about my fireman, aren’t I? OF COURSE I AM! It’s just that living in a fantasy world is sometimes so NICE……………]

OK, I’ve I digressed – two Hallmark movies later, I accepted the fact that I don’t know what I am selling/marketing. I don’t even know why I need a freaking web site in the first place. No F—-G CLUE! HELP!!! HELP!! I asked the universe to guide me. What the hell am I trying to do.

AND, I woke up as negative as ever – WTF?

I went to the gym. On the way, Tim Ferriss was talking about how he discovered the way to sell – by story-telling.

That’s it, I thought. I can tell my story. I can use my “struggle” with negativity to inspire others.

I know this story. I wake up with it. And despite all my attempts to get rid of it, it’s not going away. I can’t make it stop. But I can still create my life anyway.

My exploration is this: Creating Life Out Here – and the access is SHARING and Saying what I’m afraid to say.

I got afraid to get into dialogue about this. Because I’ve been listening to my brain.

“Something’s wrong with me. I’m so negative. I shouldn’t have to talk about it…..etc. Who wants to hear this?” So I shut up and shut down.

I knew it was just my brain. It just seemed SO REAL.


I actually love to share what I’m going through. It’s what creates FREEDOM for me. It’s my way out.

When I don’t share, I am stuck. Energy-less. Power-less. Hope-less. I’m just in my head, listening to my negative thoughts. And it sucks.

I had asked the universe to help me. I had asked for a sign.

Earlier this week I had found “A Return to Love,” by Marianne Williamson in my mother’s basement. We were cleaning it out. I had grabbed it and left it on my table at my cottage.

This morning I picked it up and put it in my bag. At the gym I started reading it. It was the sign I was looking for.

This is part paraphrase, part quote from her book.

She had been struggling with what to do with her life. Bad relationships, drugs, food, distractions, and lots of self-loathing.

Her brother had told her everyone thought she was weird. “It’s like you have some kind of virus.”

Marianne says: “I felt like an alien. I had often felt at though life was a private club and everybody had received the password except me. I felt other people knew a secret that I didn’t know, but I didn’t want to ask them about it because I didn’t want them to know I didn’t know. I believed other people were dying inside too just like me, but they couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about it.”

She found the Course in Miracles. The basic message: relax.

She finally started feeling happy. She had energy. The Course is written as a guide to the miraculous application of love as a balm on every wound. Whatever the area of psychic pain that people have, love is the cure, the Answer.


Marianne began speaking about the course in Miracles. I heard her back in the 1990’s. That’s how old this book is. I had totally forgotten about it.

It’s quite amazing. Corny as it sounds, I feel like the universe responded.

My energy is back.

All I have to do is share my journey. Not force anything to happen. Literally go with the flow. I’ve returned to Freedom and Peace.

I thank my children, Marianne and Tim Ferriss for their timely wisdom.

I can breathe again.

Thank you, as always, for listening and for contributing to my life.

Have a wonderful day.

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