I’ve been doing it. I’ve been saying things that I really thought I should not say.
And it’s been awesome.
Here’s one category:
There are quite a few people I have a negative feeling about.
When I looked at why, I realize it’s because they said something and I took it as a slight, advice or criticism. I never told them. I just internally dismissed them without knowing it.
I’ve had a few of these people ask me why I don’t hang out with them/don’t like them. It gave me the opportunity to SAY SOMETHING/SPEAK UP. These were my three responses to the different people:
- “Well, let’s see,” I said. ” I guess when you gave me unsolicited advice, I decided I didn’t like that. I’m sorry. I should have said something. I wasn’t conscious of my decision.”
- “Oh,”………..I thought. “Remember when you judged me about my married man. You didn’t even listen to what I was saying. You were mean and condemned me. I decided since you didn’t like me, I didn’t want to be around you.”
- “I don’t like when you comment on what I’m saying. It bothers me.”
All three of these people listened to me. They didn’t get upset. They saw that I wasn’t the only person they were doing these things to. They actually thanked me.
I was shocked. I expected them to get defensive or mad. Instead, I had a new affinity for them. I could love them and feel close to them. A stark contrast to how I felt before speaking up. It was really incredible.
I wouldn’t have thought telling them these things would go well.
I have also spoken up with some young girls from work.
“I can either interact with you like you are weak, not capable and troubled, or I can interact with you like you are strong, smart and capable. Which would you prefer?”
Both picked strong, smart and capable. It was pretty cool. I was silently condemning them and not saying anything. I thought if I said something they’d be insulted or upset.
Instead, speaking up had them see themselves as their greater self. And, they appreciated my honesty.
Just some examples from the field. My friend is about to come over. I haven’t seen her since June. I’m ready to have some fun.
Thanks for listening. Have a great Labor Day weekend.