There’s a part of me that tries to be good and help people.
I listen to them. Sometimes I can just be quiet and let them talk. They feel better and I leave unaffected. It’s good.
Sometimes, however, when it involves certain people or certain topics, I get a little hooked. I get upset, can’t sleep, and offer suggestions to try to fix the problem. I spend gobs of time trying to find solutions, etc.
Can you guess who this is about? I’ll give you ONE TRY!!!
My ex and the house he is building? How did you ever get it on the first try? Wow!! YES!!
In talking to a friend this morning he said very simply:
“Mark and the house are not your problem. Just tell him you are not going to help him. It is for him to deal with.”
WOW!!! I thought it WAS my problem. I own half of it. The kids are involved, etc…….. But no, he said.
He’s right. My equity is out. The kids are on their own. OK.
So I told my ex. “This is your problem. I’m no longer going to be involved.”
Done. Clean. Relief. Freedom. YAY!
Then my mother comes home.
“Where did you send Mark off to?” she asks innocently.
GRRRRRRRRRR. I lost it. I shouldn’t have, but I did.
“What makes you think I can send him anywhere? Why do you have to always ask me about him? He is not my problem………” (I didn’t stop there, FYI). I was on a rant.
OK, I lost it, got emotional, etc.
NOTE: I only actually have five more days of living at my mother’s house with my ex. On August 1 I can go back to my beach house. I have done pretty well until today. I’m still not feeling 100% and I have other things on my mind so my coping mechanism is not strong right now.
Still, I’ll go apologize. UGH!!!!!!!!
AND, I will be more aware who’s problems I am going to take on in the future.
And, when my mother asks me a question, I can ask her one back.
“Why do you want to know? Why do you ask?”
That might be much easier. Great idea.
Thanks for listening. Always makes a difference for me!!!!
PS I don’t have time to reread this. Hope it makes sense. I’m pressing publish.