Is It Old or Just Another Reason?

Today I was on the spinning bike at the gym and I had a thought that might make an interesting blog discussion.

Before I go into it, an aside: It’s National Donut Day!!

“If I get my daughter a Boston Cream today, will it still be fresh on Sunday when she arrives?” I asked the driveway through voice.

“No. It won’t be any good.” the voice answered.

“OK, I’ll get the one that I like then. A chocolate glazed.”

FYI, it’s still sitting in the bag. I’m just thinking about eating it. Personally if I’m going to eat a donut it’s going to be from the Orgasmic Donut Shop (not it’s real name) in Westport. That’s how I swore off Dunkin Donuts. If I’m going to eat a donut, it’s going to be Orgasmic.

Back to my thought. I was on the individual spinning bike. Not in a spinning class. Another aside: I have an app called Aaptiv. I can pick the type of workout, the length of time, the level, and the kind of music. It has everything from running to meditation and stretching. It’s great because they tell you what to do, pick the music, and you can do it anytime you want for as long as you want. I love it. It’s fun and always different and I don’t have to figure my workouts out myself which is fabulous.

Anyway, today it was a 30 minute intermediate Rock routine. I was pedalling along to music from my youth, having fun, when a young guy walked by. I smiled. He barely registered my presence.

“That’s because I’m old,” I immediately thought. “I’m sure it’s because of my wrinkles. If I was young with smooth skin, he would have smiled back.”

That was automatic thinking. I looked around for some older men to see if they would smile at me. There weren’t any close enough. The ones at the other end probably couldn’t see me anyway since there vision is probably bad. (That’s supposed to be funny).

First of all, I don’t know why the guy didn’t smile back. He might have had gas, been thinking about something, or just not paying attention.

Second of all, before the reason was my age (since I’m turning freaking 60 on Tuesday), it was because I was FAT. And when I was at my thinner weight, it was because I didn’t wear make-up, hadn’t brushed my hair, had varicose veins or something else.

There’s always been a negative explanation about myself. Since I was small.

I just remembered a time when I was in about third grade. A policeman smiled at me when I was crossing the street.

“That’s because my pea coat is long and covers the fat part of my legs. He couldn’t see the rest of me. He didn’t know who I REALLY WAS and that I was unworthy of his smile. If he only knew.”

That was at 8 or 9. Isn’t that amazing? These thoughts are not new. “Being too Old” is just a NEW REASON.

I thought that was interesting. It’s the same smile or no smile, just 50 freaking years later.

As if they are actually responding to me. As if they are actually aware of me.

I am going to play a game. (If I remember this!) I am going to smile at as many people as I can in a natural way. Not forced. I am going to talk to as many people as I can in a natural way. I am going to make their day by taking notice of them as a human.

I am getting moved. This will be MY birthday present to ME. To make other people’s days. To not worry about what they think of me, but to go on the offense in terms of treating them specially. Why not spread love and happiness instead of worry and doubt? Why not?

This is actually very cool. I never know what my fingers will type in this blog. I kind of just let them go. It’s fun and freeing for me to get to the other side of my thinking. And create a possibility that didn’t exist at the top of the page.

So thanks for listening and have a HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!

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