Alternate Wedding Vows

I met a work contact tonight for a drink. I like the guy. He is very nice, but he was sort of” complaining about his wife. I was surprised. I’m sure he loves her, they have two beautiful boys, but……his speaking about her sort of had me conjure up this blog. If you’re offended, please stop here and don’t read further.

I’m thinking that maybe I don’t remember my marriage vows. Maybe this is what they were instead:

I promise to complain about this person for the rest of my life.

I promise not to speak up and to be victimized by what he/she isn’t doing even though I never asked them to.

I promise to act as if my life would be so much better if this person did x or why.

I promise to act as if I knew I couldn’t have the life I REALLY wanted.

I promise to make a face and ridicule my spouse in front of other people.

I promise to insult my spouse to look good in front of my family.

I promise to criticize my spouse if he/she doesn’t do things the way we did it growing up.

I promise to compare my spouse to my fantasy person so that he/she comes up short and I can suffer.

I promise to make sure my kids know that I am the good parent.

I promise to make sure the kids are on MY SIDE.

I promise to make sure everyone knows it’s his fault and I am an innocent bystander.

I promise to make sure that I am the victim and they don’t blame me for what I did.

These are just some of the things I came up with. I’m not proud of the ones that represent me, but, you don’t know which ones they are, do you? This is probably my most cynical blog, but unfortunately, some of it rings pretty true for me.

Either enjoy it or indite it.