I am writing because I am not feeling well and I can see there is some sort of negative swirl about it.
Familiar old candidates for negativity are:
- I shouldn’t feel this way
- It’s my fault
- I should feel better
- I should be better by now (it’s been since Friday and it’s Tuesday)
- Nothing matters
- Who cares?
- I should just go to sleep
- Mom, I just need to complain
- And, of course, self-diagnosis or friend’s diagnosis – it’s a sinus infection, did you get the flu shot? etc.
And I just feel like a big blob. I don’t want to do anything. I worked today, but since I felt like crap, that doesn’t count. Nothing counts. Nothing matters. Blah, blah, blah!!!
OK, this is definitely not helping.
Can I just accept that I don’t feel well?
It’s not ok. One day or maybe two is ok, but five days is unacceptable.
Who made that up?
Me. I say to myself sheepishly. Good ole me.
There’s a limit to how long I can be outwardly complaining about how I feel. Now I just have to suffer silently and pretend I feel ok.
Like a freaking pollyanna phony. And that really pisses me off.
And it’s more exhausting to pretend that I am fine than it is to just feel bad.
(Now, I’m getting somewhere!!)
So, I am going to stop resisting the feeling and just enjoy it.
Enjoy being a blob and lie on the couch with a book. Or work on my puzzle which I love.
I could call my mother to complain if I want, but if she starts giving me suggestions, that will blow my good/bad mood. I just want to be miserable for a little while. That actually sounds fun in a weird way.
So, thanks for letting me work this out. It sounds a little crazy that having a writing conversation with myself could help, but it really did. I am no longer in a bad mood, but looking forward to being a blob. What a wonderful unexpected thing!!!
BLOBS ARE ME!!!!!!! (I don’t have a picture, but picture a blob waving it’s hands crazily!!!!)
PS My mom called before I could press Publish and she diagnosed me as having a “travelling something!!!”