Funky today

I am writing because I am not feeling well and I can see there is some sort of negative swirl about it.

Familiar old candidates for negativity are:

  • I shouldn’t feel this way
  • It’s my fault
  • I should feel better
  • I should be better by now (it’s been since Friday and it’s Tuesday)
  • Nothing matters
  • Who cares?
  • I should just go to sleep
  • Mom, I just need to complain
  • And, of course, self-diagnosis or friend’s diagnosis – it’s a sinus infection, did you get the flu shot?  etc.

And I just feel like a big blob.  I don’t want to do anything.  I worked today, but since I felt like crap, that doesn’t count.  Nothing counts.  Nothing matters.  Blah, blah, blah!!!

OK, this is definitely not helping.

Can I just accept that I don’t feel well?

No.

Why not?

It’s not ok.  One day or maybe two is ok, but five days is unacceptable.

Who made that up?

Me. I say to myself sheepishly.  Good ole me.

There’s a limit to how long I can be outwardly complaining about how I feel.  Now I just have to suffer silently and pretend I feel ok.

Like a freaking pollyanna phony.  And that really pisses me off.

And it’s more exhausting to pretend that I am fine than it is to just feel bad.

(Now, I’m getting somewhere!!)

So, I am going to stop resisting the feeling and just enjoy it.

Enjoy being a blob and lie on the couch with a book.  Or work on my puzzle which I love.

I could call my mother to complain if I want, but if she starts giving me suggestions, that will blow my good/bad mood.  I just want to be miserable for a little while.  That actually sounds fun in a weird way.

So, thanks for letting me work this out.  It sounds a little crazy that having a writing conversation with myself could help, but it really did.  I am no longer in a bad mood, but looking forward to being a blob.  What a wonderful unexpected thing!!!

BLOBS ARE ME!!!!!!! (I don’t have a picture, but picture a blob waving it’s hands crazily!!!!)

PS  My mom called before I could press Publish and she diagnosed me as having a “travelling something!!!”

 

 

 

 

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