A friend of mine was saying, “if I tried to paint like Picasso, I’d never paint.”
That’s true, I thought. You could never match up to the great Picasso.
“But if I try to paint like I can paint, I am free.”
Yes, that’s true. And that gave me more courage to write. Because if I compare myself to others, I might as well just dig myself into a hole. I’m not a technical writer. I don’t like to follow politics and give my opinions. I don’t keep up with current events. I don’t like to research.
What I love to do is to discover new ways to be free. To uncover limiting paradigms that are running my life. By seeing them, I become free of them. And able to create life in a new way.
For example, I’ve been very frustrated about my lack of weight loss. VERY! And upset about it.
In a conversation with my seminar leader, Annamarie, she asked me about it. I cried and we talked.
I realized that as a young girl, when my parents asked me to lose weight, I decided that I wasn’t ok unless I was thin.
That was the truth until yesterday. I was trying so desperately to become someone that my parents could be proud of. The key word is desperately. Frustrated like a two year old. Having tantrums.
“It’s not fair. I’m doing everything I know to do. I can’t stand this. I give up.”
Like that. Sort of a powerless victim.
“Did you ever consider that you were just fine way back then?” Annamarie asked.
“No,” I asked sniffling. “Definitely not. I really thought I needed to be fixed.”
“Well, what it you didn’t? If you were just fine however you are.”
“Well, I’ve given lip service to that, but I never believed it. It’s over the top of something is definitely wrong with me.”
At that point we lost the call. I got to think about it. What if I was REALLY ACTUALLY OK just as I was? What if I could just be fine however I am?
I’ve said it before, but I never really believed it. I was waiting to lose this weight and then maybe it could be possible. I could try to love myself as I am, knowing it was a temporary thing.
Distinguishing that paradigm has given me a real chance to actually love myself. I can walk around proudly for the first time. I can relax about the weight. I can do my best and try new things.
And I don’t have to walk around ashamed anymore. And that is a whole new world for me.
Welcome to my new world.