I Stopped Resisting

I think I’m moving through the spaces more quickly. I’m not resisting my emotions, I’m allowing them. Then they disappear. It’s miraculous, really.

“Why is it miraculous?” you ask. Good question.

Because in the past I didn’t allow myself to be upset. I thought there was something wrong with it. I was upset for years – but didn’t know it. It was in the don’t know that I don’t know area of my brain. It was just the way it was.

Anyway, I talk about it on the video. You can watch if you want.

What I need to discuss is this:

• tomorrow I have a call with my market director and my peers
• I have to announce whether I will hit FAME or not
• I will not
• I have never had to say I won’t before. I have been on a roll since he started these monthly calls. I was the good one. I was the successful one. And right now, I am definitely not the good one
• I am embarrassed
• I am thinking of how I could be throwing up or something and have to miss the call
• Or I could have diarrhea? (I had to google this to see how to spell it)
• Or, I could just be straight and say I am in rebuilding mode and not going to hit FAME this quarter like a grown up
• A note: I am at 10% of my quota and 61% of the quarter is past
• This is not a good thing. I don’t think I have ever been this far behind

The good part:

• Nothing. Just kidding.
• Last year I was way above my quota and got a really great bonus
• Next year my quota will hopefully be reduced since I didn’t do well this year
• My boss says control what you can control – he’s in the same boat
• It’s kind of relaxing not to be so stressed about hitting FAME
• I’ve had time to start my YouTube channel and do more blogging
• My book is almost finished being formatted.
• I’m still waiting for the cover designs

So, I will just be straight tomorrow. I will not eat a box of Ex Lax. (Do they even make that anymore?)

I will survive this.

OK, I’ve got to put my projections together. Got to send it so they can see how I’m doing. Back to embarrassment. UGH.

OK, I’ll be brave. Thanks for listening. Have a great night.