I didn’t think I had anything to say today. Who would have thought I would tell you about my GYN visit yesterday?
Yes, I did. My doctor was talking to me about how I could prepare my 60 old body for sex.
“Isn’t that only if I am actually having sex?” I asked.
“Well, don’t you think you’ll have sex at least once in the next 25 to 30 years?” he asked.
Wow. I don’t think I REALLY will, I realized. I can’t think of anyone I’d want to have it with. I can’t think of really being close to a guy again. I don’t really think I could trust anyone.
I think I’m just waiting to be hurt again.
In fact, I’m expecting it.
Yesterday one of my on-line guys was going to call me between 3 and 4. I sat there waiting like an ass hole.
Fuck this, I thought.
I texted him that I must have missed his call again. (He said I missed it once before. I never saw that he called so who knows?)
He apologized and said he forgot. He was working and is old and just forgot.
So today I had a good cry realizing that I just don’t fucking expect anything from anyone and fuck him if he can’t even fucking remember to call. Obviously I’m not that important. And did I say, fuck him?
I knew I was being dramatic. I don’t even know the damn guy. He owes me nothing, really!!!
Today he texted me asking when I was available to talk.
We had a conversation and he apologized again.
“I’m real,” he said. “I’m not spam.”
Well, he just happens to be a volunteer fireman. The last fireman I “dated” lied about being married. I had already told this guy that.
“I am not a sleazebag,” he said. “I am divorced and I’m not a liar.”
OK, I thought. I guess I can give up my sad victim story. Maybe he’s a real person.
After all, I am divine. Success is easy. I am attracting someone divine. (You have to watch the video to know what I am talking about.
I’m all talked out. (Again, from the video).
Thanks for listening.