I Skipped a Couple, this is 6 A

OK, this one was difficult and I had to record twice.

The whole night I was just feeling uncomfortable about these videos, my book, reliving the past by rereading my book, and I can’t remember the other thing. Sad!!!

I tried to be with the body sensations but they didn’t go away. So I made this video. Twice.

The first was over 6 minutes and I thought that was too long. I hated my hair and thought I rambled. So I made it again.

It was still 6 minutes. So I made it public. You can tell me if it’s too long.

Oh yeah, the other thing was the on-line dating. I have so many emails and messages that I was freaking out. How can I get to them all? I don’t have TIME!!! I don’t know how to have a relationship. I wanted to hide. Escape from all of it.

This morning I was still a little calmer. Until I got to work, got embarrassed, and read that horrible email telling me how horrible I am.

Then, I got all messed up again.

Resolutions: I don’t have to respond to the on-line dating emails immediately. I can take my time. Go through them slowly and when it works for my schedule. And be calm. I don’t have to know what I’m doing. I’m practicing and willing to make mistakes. I don’t have to hide.

Being embarrassed – it’s uncomfortable but not fatal

Being disapproved of – it’s just their opinion, not the truth

Being told I’m bad – being bad is fun – I’m tired of pretending I’m good when I’m not

I lived through all of them. And here I am. After talking about it on the video, I am calmer and still breathing.

You can watch the video if you want to hear more details, especially about the book. Shush, it’s a secret.

OK, I have to get back to work.

Thanks for listening.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s