I Did Another One! And I’m Crazy@@

I had this one marked private so no one could find it. Oops! I just fixed it. I have so much to learn.

And, I can’t remember what I said so now I’m worrying about repeating myself. I don’t want to have to watch them to figure it out!!! Scary that I can’t remember.

Update on my book:

We did not finish editing it. Today was the deadline and we missed it.

Tomorrow I was supposed to work on the cover with my daughter but “she wants to go to the beach.” OK, pleasant me says. That’s fine.

Well, what can I say? Don’t enjoy your life? Help me instead?

So, I’m missing an artificial deadline that I set.

Can I let it go? Experience freedom and peace?

Or, stay mad that the world is not working the way I WANT IT TO!!!!! I guess that’s about 3 years old.

I will merely set a new goal!! And set a new time that works for both of us.

Why lose sight of all the good I did the last two days!

The GOOD: I figured out how to do a video, how to save it (took 24 hours), that I had a youtube channel whatever that is, and how to upload TWO videos. Then I shared it and got lots of amazing feedback.

It was incredible. Better than I ever thought possible. Beyond my wildest dreams. Seriously!!!

And now I am lost in the muck. Even after such a wonderful day. Here’s my muck:

  • My sister is telling me about something my mother did. This is more evidence for why “she can’t be trusted and can’t be alone.” After hearing my sister’s version of things I get a little crazy. Is it the truth? Am I in denial? Is she right? Then I see my mother and I think everything is fine.
  • I can’t remember what I said on the first video. So I’m still worried about saying the same thing twice. Like that’s a freaking cardinal sin that I should get shot over. OY!
  • And, crazy enough, I’m afraid that I marked my second video private by accident because the universe think it’s sucks and is trying to prevent me from being embarrassed. (As if the universe has nothing better to do, right?)
  • I had to lend my son money AGAIN even though I said I would NEVER GIVE HIM MONEY EVER AGAIN. Well, what was I supposed to do, let him run out of gas on the way to work?
  • And, he hasn’t paid the car loan that is IN MY NAME, too because he ran out of money. (I should have known better, right? Why did I cosign the loan? Because he’s my kid!!!) OY OY
  • So, I’m missing my book deadline. I wanted to have my book ready for my next speaking engagement on Thursday. Oh well. Since I may not have anyone there it really doesn’t matter. Well that’s negative thinking. Yes it is. OK, fine. I’ll invite more people tomorrow.
  • I’m arguing with myself in public on this blog. Now I really think I’m crazy. Probably am. Better just accept it.

OK, I’m done. I hope it was amusing for you. It’s stuff like this that I think is over the edge and I should just delete, but who knows? Maybe this is the good stuff.

And, I don’t have to look at myself while writing like when I am doing the videos. That’s nerve racking for sure.

OK, thanks for letting me vent as always. I feel a little better now. I had a massage tonight and instead of relaxing all I did was talk the whole time. Well, I guess I needed to. It’s better than snoring.

Have a great night. Thanks for your listening, as usual.

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