Suffer or Grow

In a conversation today, we were talking about being Happy. Could we take on that happiness is not a function of our circumstances?

Good question. It certainly SEEMS like it’s a function of our circumstances. When things don’t go the way I want them to, (there are times when) I get frustrated and then act out like I’m a 3 year old having a tantrum. I am not fun to be around. It SEEMS like:

  • I can’t have what I want
  • Life sucks
  • There’s nothing I can do about it
  • I might as well just give up and either eat or go to sleep
  • Life sucks
  • I suck
  • The world sucks
  • I am powerless

Oh, did I say that I am not very pleasant? I think so. I don’t like being around me, so I can only imagine that it’s not very much fun for others, either. I really hate being that way.

In the question of today, could I be Happy when that happens? I’ll give you a great example that I am experiencing right now. I am in Rhode Island at a client.

Background: I am very worried about my quota for the quarter since my main, biggest, and best producer is not currently working due to family circumstances. Today was going to be the BIG DAY!!! I was going to make up EVERY DOLLAR that I am behind and SURGE AHEAD TO SUCCESS!

Well, we’ve been here for 3.5 hours and haven’t sold a dollar. I literally want to quit.

Quit what?

Everything. I want to eat everything that I shouldn’t. I want to crawl under the table in a fetal position and not come back out. (Actually no, the carpet is pretty dirty so I take that back).

I think pretty much I want to sleep or eat whatever I feel like.

That won’t help.

How could I grow instead of suffering or numbing myself?

Hmmmmmm……………I could look at the situation. It would have been nice to write the $16,000 goal I had set instead of $0.

It would have helped my quota go from @$129,000 to $116,000. But I’d still have a pretty big quota remaining either way.

I guess I was just looking for SOMETHING GOOD TO HAPPEN. I wanted a SIGN that hitting my quota is possible without my main person. I guess I NEEDED something positive to keep me going. The last couple of weeks have really sucked and I have lost all confidence in my ability to write business. That’s what happens sometimes.

And so far, there’s NO SIGN. So everything else seems hopeless. Let’s see if I can take this apart in order TO GROW instead of being a freaking suffering victim.

THING 1: It seems like I might as well just eat because life sucks and I’m fat anyway and I can’t lose weight so why the fuck should I torture myself?

It seems eating multiple slices of pizza would be justified right now. However, Tuesday when I get on the scale, I might rethink what I did and NOT think it was such a good idea.

OK, action I can take instead:

  • Eat the pineapple (I had forgotten I had in the car). Drink the XS energy drink I had brought. It has B vitamins which help negative mood swings
  • VERY GOOD – I can eat healthy, reduce my hunger, and help my negativity.
  • I’m growing instead of suffering – YAY – check

THING 2: It seems like I should just give up trying to hit my quota and relax and enjoy my life. Just stop trying and stop being stressed.

  • It won’t work. I will suffer anyway knowing I gave up.
  • I can just keep setting appointments. Some will go well and some won’t. I can motivate my people to keep setting appointments. All I can do is what I can do RIGHT NOW!!!
  • Focus on the NOW and TAKE ACTIONS! Keep going!!!

THING 3: No one can love me anyway. Why bother pretending I want a relationship? It will never happen. Who could love me when I get like this? With my stomach? With my varicose veins? With my moodiness? I pee all night. Who could deal with that? I mean, really?

  • I don’t know what to say about this one. It seems SO REAL that I want to cry.
  • Plus, there’s no one I would even WANT to go out with right now. I look around, and I don’t see anyone I would even want to talk to let alone date.
  • I guess I can just keep looking.
  • I guess I can accept myself as I am (ya think?). No one is perfect. I do have some good qualifies. I just can’t think of any right now.

THING 4: I can’t think of one – ok, my speaking/writing/blogging – why am I bothering? If something was going to happen with this, it would have. Who am I trying to kid?

  • ok, this one is fairly easy – I can enjoy the discovery. Enjoy the process. I guess I can apply that tip to everything. I’m not trying to get anywhere. I’m IN THE FREAKING MOMENT!!!!
  • An aside: My elbow is sticking to the table from the pineapple juice. Above my head is a sign that says “THERE IS NO FOOD OR DRINKS ALLOWED IN THIS ROOM!”
  • OOPS!


  • stick to my plan
  • enjoy the process
  • visualize success
  • do the best I can and accept that!!
  • It’s not MY FAULT!
  • I am how I am. I can be how I am.
  • There’s no where to get to
  • There’s no getting it right.
  • 95% of my life is great, just this 5% is not how I want it to be RIGHT NOW!!!

I am breathing again. I am relaxing into my vitamin B drink. I am not so hungry anymore. I stuck to healthy food. I am waiting for the rush of people who get off their shift at 2:00. (It’s 2:01).

More later. Thanks for listening. I feel a little better.

PS – 2:10 – I’m still waiting for the people………………

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