Getting Unstuck

Sometimes I just don’t write for a while. And anything I think of writing sounds like it’s just really stupid. So I don’t.

In order to break that, I am simply sitting at the computer and seeing what comes out.

I’m sitting by the large window that overlooks my deck and the water. I am mesmerized by the waves. They are pretty big for the Long Island Sound. In Westport, we never had big waves, but here, in Stratford, they can get big, especially during a storm.

It’s amazing that these waves and the ocean are made up of little drops. I can’t even imagine that. I guess we are made up of cells. It’s kind of weird to think about. That we are just cells………………

Anyway, ………today I was on a “sharing” webinar. Tobin, the moderator, told us that until we share, we are just made up of characteristics. I know for myself, until I open my mouth to share, I am just an observer. Not a participant.

Today, although I raised my electronic hand, I did not get called on. I feel separate from the rest of them. Tomorrow I will raise my hand early, even if I don’t know what to say.

Our homework is to share. I am going to go down to my mother’s house since my sister is there. Historically I don’t tell her that much because I “don’t want to hear it.”

That means, I expect her to be negative and “burst my bubble” or “steal my dream.” I keep it safe with her so I “don’t have to hear her opinion.” And, it’s not just with her. It’s anyone that I think is negative, opinionated, small-minded or sarcastic.

Which means that I am stingy and safe with these people. Not willing to risk being criticized or made fun of. And, it doesn’t work anyway. They still have their opinions, regardless.

Since I have created a win/win world her opinion or comments shouldn’t matter. Before it was if she was right I was wrong. I had to fight and defend myself or my identify would cease to exist. It was a matter of survival.

Now I can just say, “wow, how interesting, why do you say that?” And see what she says. At least in theory.

It should be an interesting night is all I can say. I will practice living in a world community where we all love each other, are perfect the way we are, and it’s a win/win world. Today I am listening for Spirit and Fun.

Wish me luck.

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