“Alone Again, Naturally…”

Does anyone remember that song by Gilbert O’Sullivan?  It might have been his only hit, I’m not sure.

OK, I just googled him.  It wasn’t.  He also had “Claire”  and “Get Down” as hits.

“Alone Again, Naturally” was released in 1972 when I was very young.  Let’s say 13 for example.  I had a crush on Gilbert O’Sullivan and learned how to play Alone Again on the piano.  I loved to sing that song.   It was pretty much of a feel bad song.  Everything bad happened in the song.

Why am I even talking about this?  You might ask.  Good question.  Thanks for asking.

Because today, my son, Jesse, took off for Minnesota for a 9 month hockey reffing program.  He graduated college in the spring but had only been 45 minutes away for the last 4 years, so it didn’t really feel like he had left.

Today it does.  And, Haley, my daughter has been in Australia for a couple of months.  She will return in January but will then go back to college.

So what’s the big deal?  This is a natural process of life.  Again, good question.

For almost 23 years, I have been a mother.   I felt like my kids needed me.  I didn’t feel alone because knowing they needed me comforted me and I didn’t feel at all like I was alone in the world.

Jesse is literally off on his own for the first time.  And Haley, when I call her, she is always busy.

I was in Pennsylvania for the weekend watching Jesse ref, knowing he would go west today and I would come East.  And now, I am on my deck, watching the sun go down, and resisting the following urges:

• to feel sorry for myself
• to feel like something is wrong
• to feel like I shouldn’t be alone
• to feel like I should already have found a new relationship by now or at least want to find one
• to feel like I shouldn’t be living in this cottage by myself at this time of my life
• to feel like it can only go downhill from here
• to sit here singing, “Alone Again, Naturally.

Instead, I would like to create my life from here.  Instead of life being over, it’s a new beginning.  I can do anything.  And really, nothing has changed that much.  It’s all just a feeling.

I just wanted to get all that out so I could move on.  I will pray for both of their safety and health and let go.  As my daughter said, “I did a good job.  That’s why they are independent right now.”

I will celebrate that I got my motherly job done and look forward to creating a new life in the future.

My secret wish is to get paid a lot of money to travel around the world with the man of my dreams, inspiring people by sharing my story, and empowering them to create the lives of their dreams as well.

So why not focus on that instead of what feels wrong.  I can take actions to further that dream instead of wallowing in self-pity singing a negative song about being alone.

How does that sound to you?  Like a better game plan?

I think so………more later.