I am annoyed a lot of the time.
And it stops me.
When I’m annoyed, I want to eliminate the person, thing, group or task that is causing the discomfort.
This limits me from connecting with people, pursuing things, and being alive.
When I really look at the annoyance, it is a function of my relationship with myself.
I am annoyed because:
- I’m comparing myself to others – they are happy, more accomplished, more skilled, look better, etc.
- I don’t want to do something – familiar thoughts such as: I can’t, I don’t know how, I don’t want to because I’ve failed at it before, I don’t have time, etc. – it’s an internal whine that just has me reject the idea
- I’m not where I think I should be – sales, relationships, weight, body, pain levels, etc.
- I’m alone and everyone else has fun plans – and I know I didn’t try to schedule anything so it’s my fault so what am I even complaining about?
- There’s things I feel like I should do – like see my mother more – and I just haven’t because I’ve been busy
- I had some expectations that didn’t happen
So what does all this mean?
I don’t know. I guess I can just use being annoyed as a GATEWAY to freedom.
I can just be aware that being annoyed is where I stop. I can recognize it, and then see how what actions I can take.
- accept being annoyed
- accept myself as is – annoyed and all
- be present to what I am grateful for
- go see my mother or see her tomorrow
- keep tracking my food even though all I want to eat is chips (I’m cooking broccoli cause I like volume so that’s a step)
- meditate, sit, be present, take a nap
I’m not quite out of the annoyance, but, I’m allowing myself to just be annoyed. Let me see what shows up…
OK…I JUST SAW WHEN IT STARTED.
Yesterday I was listening to a podcast. The guy who started Bullet proof coffee was being interviewed by Maria Schriver.
This guy lost 100 pounds and got really healthy. He does intermittent fasting, and only has one meal a day which includes organic vegetables and a small portion of grass fed meat. He says this way of eating can cure Alzheimer’s.
Since dementia seems to be hereditary and runs in my family, I got interested.
Here’s what got me stuck: I don’t want to only eat one meal a day. I like my chips and carbs and burnt chicken.
I DON’T WANT TO EAT LIKE HIM. I made that mean I will get dementia. Hence the suffering. Either eat like him or get dementia.
This reminds me of a story:
Back in the 90’s, I went to a spa. All we ate was vegetables, beans, and more vegetables. It was very strict but since that’s all there was and it was all cooked and served to us, it was fairly easy to do it there.
At home, no one was making me this healthy food. I knew I couldn’t maintain that strict healthy way of eating. Rather than do my best, I gave up. I revolted and started eating burgers and fries every day. The crazy thing was I NEVER ate burgers and fries or even thought of eating them before I went to the spa. It was weird.
I think when I don’t think I can do something perfectly, I give up. I am just BAD AND WRONG and nothing matters. Might as well just eat the damn fries. (Make sure they are crispy, though!)
Back to Mr. Bullet. I wish I had never heard him. And I did. So what can I do?
I can turn this from right/wrong, good/bad, into what can be workable. I can work in some of what he says if I want to and see if it works. I can try organic vegetables and grass fed meat after I eat what’s already in my refrigerator.
I can try bullet proof coffee again with the weird butter for breakfast and see if I feel better this time. I can even buy his book and try it gradually.
Or, I can just keep doing what I’m doing and be fine with it. I was happy before I heard him and I can be happy even though I heard his podcast.
Well, this is long. It’s been valuable for me. I hope it makes a difference for you in some small way.
Thanks for listening.